I just read a fascinating discourse by Ariel Durant, presented as a lecture at Ripon College in 1970. The entire lecture can be read at this link: http://www.willdurant.com/candr.htm
What struck me most was near the end of the lecture where she says, "I prefer reform to revolution. If there anything clear in history it is that violent revolution multiplies chaos, disseminates destitution, and passes through the excesses of freedom to a dictatorship by an oppressive minority. Revolution is a master that devours both its parents and its children. Less alluring, but less costly, are those processes of reform, by persistent education and gradual public acceptance, which have achieved so many beneficent changes in our century."
The reason this statement strikes me so close to the heart is because so very frequently, I hear people express their willingness to take up arms in an effort to fix the problems of our society, to give up their lives in order to prevent the losses of our freedoms and rights. I learn through forums such as this and from other venues of those who will give up their well-being, their families' lives and all that they possess in order to pick up arms and pursue those freedoms which we have and perceive to be losing, bit by inexorable bit.
What I hear of much less frequently, indeed, quite rarely, are those who are willing to consider the prerequisites to revolution. Rarely do I hear of those who are willing to go to their local city council meetings, get up a couple of times a month and write effective letters and correspondence to their local and national representatives, to speak out when opportunity presents itself. To step away from their televisions and entertainments to speak up and voice their concerns about excessive taxation and overbearing government waste and excess.
There is a huge dichotomy of thought and action between the two. It never ceases to amaze me that there there is an appearance of a great many who prefer the idea of some supposed (mistakenly) glamor of bloodshed to the quiet, peaceful motion of written and verbal dialogue.
Be assured, if it were necessary to shed blood to preserve freedoms, there can be no doubt that rising up to face the enemies of freedom is the right thing to do. Until then, can we prevent it from becoming a need?
I suggest that yes, we can. Freedom-loving Americans such as ourselves can reverse the trend. We must look and see that the erosion we face at this time has been brought about by such means. There has been no military suppression to threaten our peace as a whole. The threat has been the oratory, the verbiage and the pen. Little by little, over the course of almost 100 years, have our freedoms been assaulted by and compromised because of the steady and devoted progress of opponents of rights and freedoms.
Can we do something to stop it? To reverse this trend? Can we end the divisions between us and unite together to bring about a restoration of our need to live free and not die? Is there a leader around whom we can gather in order to press our desires?
I speculate. I'm no expert. I do not see the desired progress. Am I blind? There are battles won, to be sure, but it seems that for each step forward, we have lost a couple of other steps. Nonetheless, I don't despair. I believe in all of us and in our sense of desire and urgency that will move us in the direction which pleases us. I would never attempt to foist a blood revolution upon us. It's too heady a responsibility. Rather, I would foster a revolution of the pen and the words of our mouths.
If you haven't been writing to your representatives, discoursing with your acquaintances, bringing up these issues at appropriate times and using the opportunities at your disposal to discuss such things, it's time. Time to arm ourselves with the written word and use the magnificent technologies we have at our disposal to begin to reverse the negative trends.
Are you willing? Will you?
--Wag--
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
You selfish bastard.
Yeah, occasionally, people think I'm a selfish bastard. Some of my friends are also called selfish bastards and so we started talking about this topic one day a few weeks ago.
It seems that the issue is not whether or not someone is actually selfish. In truth, it's nearly impossible to know if someone is generous and compassionate because we can't read minds. Unless you see them do something nice for someone, you simply don't know. Even then, it's questionable as I'll discuss below. If they tell you they did something nice, then you can probably tell if they are being generous. More likely, someone else may tell you that a third person has done something generous.
Really though, what we see most frequently are people who are all bent out of shape because they believe that someone ELSE should be less selfish and give of themselves or their means. That's pretty judgmental, frankly, but what's even more amazing is how often those same people who are calling for the generosity of others are the same ones who are not wiling to be generous of themselves!
Hypocrisy at its best.
It's said on every airplane prior to the flight: "Secure your own oxygen mask FIRST before securing your own." This rule holds true in real life, too. If you have nothing to give, you may very well be as unselfish as anyone, but you just don't have it to give. Add to that the idea that if you harm yourself in your effort to help another, you have had a net effect of zero or less. Actions which are harmful to yourself are quite often less than helpful to the other person as well.
Yes, we hear stories of people who are killed while helping another person and it is said that they truly gave everything. I have no problem with that. It's honorable to help another person, even at the risk of your own life. What's not honorable is for someone ELSE to ask you to do it and castigate you if you don't. I suspect that if someone does help another person, they are often hoping that they are able to give aid AND preserve their own life and means. There is nothing wrong with wanting to preserve yourself in the process of helping another and foregoing the opportunity if circumstances demand it.
Money is a big one. How often do family and friends ask you for financial assistance in one form or another? I strongly suggest that if you have no money of your own to give, if you are in debt yourself, if you don't have the means to provide, you are jeopardizing your own well-being to help the other person. I'm not talking about a guy borrowing $20 for lunch money. I'm talking about the family member who asks you to help them make a couple of car payments or take a wayward child into your home to live, etc. If you bear that expense for them and put yourself in a lurch and can't cover your own living costs, where is the value in that? That is a critical question. What value is there in jeopardizing your well-being to help another person?
If you decide, however, that you're going to refrain from damaging your own security and you withhold the aid that is requested of you, how often does that individual, along with his or her friends and family, consider you a selfish prick? It happens all the time, often to the point of the loss of relatiionships. I suspect that most often when you're accused in such a way, it's when you have the appearance of means on the surface when in reality, you may not be doing as well as others might believe. Indeed, if someone is going to ask you for help, frequently, they have an overblown sense in their minds about what YOU have and what you should do with your resources.
We're not even going to talk about the idea that sometimes, the help you give is much more detrimental than helpful. That's a whole 'nother blog post!
Money is not the only thing, either. Time or Possessions. How often do you get asked to loan your car to someone who's just had their car repossessed? If it's YOUR only or primary means of transportation, or a substantial part of your personal resources, are you jeopardizing your well-being by loaning it out? It's not only possible, it's even quite likely. If you can afford to bear the potential loss, Great! Do as you will. But if you don't have the ability or the means to bear that loss, then you are not necessarily selfish by withholding, regardless of the accusations which could be levied upon you by others who claim a higher morality.
In other words, there are those who cannot see beyond the mark and who would be just fine with everyone being completely unselfish and all of us being completely useless to each other because we have all expended all of our resources in order to give aid and assistance to each other in a personally irresponsible way.
Be assured, I'm all in favor of helping people. I'm an advocate of assisting those in need. Of giving of yourself and your means. Giving a guy $5 worth of gas at the pump even though his story is likely B.S. is a good thing. Helping a family member with $100 to get him through the week is a good thing too. Allowing someone to move in with you while they get back on their feet post-tragic-job-loss.
BUT!!!
Only when you're able to do so without compromising your own security in life. Withholding such things is no crime if you have valid reasons and no other person can tell you what any of those reasons should be. Nor can they look into your heart and mind and arrive at any sort of understanding about why you may have said, "No."
There are many unselfish people out there who would give if they had the means to do so. Unfortunately, they are often guilt-tripped into doing more than they are truly able to do. They put themselves into debt in order to resolve the debts of others. They give up their pensions, retirements, short-term savings, marital security and other security in order to bail out the other person.
No, it's not easy to say no. But often, it's better to say no than to give unthinkingly. Again, bordering on a discussion for another post but definitely something to think about. Sometimes, it's better to say no.
Returning to the original premise, it's important to realize that the ONLY person who can judge your generosity is you. Nobody else can look into your heart and see what it is that makes you decide to help another person or not. Nobody but you is able to know what your circumstances are and why you decide to help or why you decide that now is not the time.
A tangential part of this discussion lies with those who I would consider, "selfishly generous." These are the people who only give when they have some way to benefit from it. They expect a return for their generosity. I'm not saying that giving to another and expecting something is return is entirely bad. It happens all the time and it's a normal part of bartering in real life. So long as it's agreed upon up front, there is no issue. Generosity can benefit both people.
Here's an example of what I'm talking about when I say, "selfishly generous." A mother or father gives up a wad of cash only because they feel guilty that their child is suffering financially. They give unthinkingly, without considering the potential harm to themselves, then walk away feeling like a million bucks! They solved the problem! What's wrong with this is that they didn't solve the problem they professed to solve. They only solved the problem of their OWN feelings of guilt, inadequacy, etc. Their desire was not motivated by wanting to help their kid, they only looked at it as an opportunity to bandage their own hurting soul.
You could call it, "lazy generosity." An unthinking gift may do no good. Indeed, it may do more harm than good. The point though, is that it is not especially generous. It is, in fact, selfish of a person to give to another with no thought of helping but only of covering up some hurting feeling within. Equally disingenuous is helping without considering the long-term effects of what such, "help," will be.
How do you know the difference? If you're giving only to appease the critical masses (family, friends, church people, etc.) and because of the pressure they are putting upon you, then you're not being generous. Do a reality check and make absolutely sure you're not helping just because you feel guilty for NOT doing so. Make sure that when you give, you're not expecting some personal benefit or compensation or repayment in return. (I know people who say that if you help someone now, chances are very good that you'll be able to rely on that person for help in the future if you need it. Kind of like making a deposit into a charity bank account or something!)
If you are genuinely interested in giving help to another, be absolutely sure you give a great deal of thought into what the long-term benefits will be. In a short-term emergency, there may be more room for erring in the side of caution but if you've played out the scenario in your mind ahead of time, you should be able to think clearly without emotion clouding your judgment. Make sure the help you give is not motivated by the fear of the haranguing by others you are sure will come your way. Consider the possibility that the kind of help you're giving is the best help possible. It could be that even though someone is asking for money, it may not be the most helpful thing for that individual or for those circumstances.
There is much more to be said on this subject, no doubt. I may return and re-edit.
--Wag--
It seems that the issue is not whether or not someone is actually selfish. In truth, it's nearly impossible to know if someone is generous and compassionate because we can't read minds. Unless you see them do something nice for someone, you simply don't know. Even then, it's questionable as I'll discuss below. If they tell you they did something nice, then you can probably tell if they are being generous. More likely, someone else may tell you that a third person has done something generous.
Really though, what we see most frequently are people who are all bent out of shape because they believe that someone ELSE should be less selfish and give of themselves or their means. That's pretty judgmental, frankly, but what's even more amazing is how often those same people who are calling for the generosity of others are the same ones who are not wiling to be generous of themselves!
Hypocrisy at its best.
It's said on every airplane prior to the flight: "Secure your own oxygen mask FIRST before securing your own." This rule holds true in real life, too. If you have nothing to give, you may very well be as unselfish as anyone, but you just don't have it to give. Add to that the idea that if you harm yourself in your effort to help another, you have had a net effect of zero or less. Actions which are harmful to yourself are quite often less than helpful to the other person as well.
Yes, we hear stories of people who are killed while helping another person and it is said that they truly gave everything. I have no problem with that. It's honorable to help another person, even at the risk of your own life. What's not honorable is for someone ELSE to ask you to do it and castigate you if you don't. I suspect that if someone does help another person, they are often hoping that they are able to give aid AND preserve their own life and means. There is nothing wrong with wanting to preserve yourself in the process of helping another and foregoing the opportunity if circumstances demand it.
Money is a big one. How often do family and friends ask you for financial assistance in one form or another? I strongly suggest that if you have no money of your own to give, if you are in debt yourself, if you don't have the means to provide, you are jeopardizing your own well-being to help the other person. I'm not talking about a guy borrowing $20 for lunch money. I'm talking about the family member who asks you to help them make a couple of car payments or take a wayward child into your home to live, etc. If you bear that expense for them and put yourself in a lurch and can't cover your own living costs, where is the value in that? That is a critical question. What value is there in jeopardizing your well-being to help another person?
If you decide, however, that you're going to refrain from damaging your own security and you withhold the aid that is requested of you, how often does that individual, along with his or her friends and family, consider you a selfish prick? It happens all the time, often to the point of the loss of relatiionships. I suspect that most often when you're accused in such a way, it's when you have the appearance of means on the surface when in reality, you may not be doing as well as others might believe. Indeed, if someone is going to ask you for help, frequently, they have an overblown sense in their minds about what YOU have and what you should do with your resources.
We're not even going to talk about the idea that sometimes, the help you give is much more detrimental than helpful. That's a whole 'nother blog post!
Money is not the only thing, either. Time or Possessions. How often do you get asked to loan your car to someone who's just had their car repossessed? If it's YOUR only or primary means of transportation, or a substantial part of your personal resources, are you jeopardizing your well-being by loaning it out? It's not only possible, it's even quite likely. If you can afford to bear the potential loss, Great! Do as you will. But if you don't have the ability or the means to bear that loss, then you are not necessarily selfish by withholding, regardless of the accusations which could be levied upon you by others who claim a higher morality.
In other words, there are those who cannot see beyond the mark and who would be just fine with everyone being completely unselfish and all of us being completely useless to each other because we have all expended all of our resources in order to give aid and assistance to each other in a personally irresponsible way.
Be assured, I'm all in favor of helping people. I'm an advocate of assisting those in need. Of giving of yourself and your means. Giving a guy $5 worth of gas at the pump even though his story is likely B.S. is a good thing. Helping a family member with $100 to get him through the week is a good thing too. Allowing someone to move in with you while they get back on their feet post-tragic-job-loss.
BUT!!!
Only when you're able to do so without compromising your own security in life. Withholding such things is no crime if you have valid reasons and no other person can tell you what any of those reasons should be. Nor can they look into your heart and mind and arrive at any sort of understanding about why you may have said, "No."
There are many unselfish people out there who would give if they had the means to do so. Unfortunately, they are often guilt-tripped into doing more than they are truly able to do. They put themselves into debt in order to resolve the debts of others. They give up their pensions, retirements, short-term savings, marital security and other security in order to bail out the other person.
No, it's not easy to say no. But often, it's better to say no than to give unthinkingly. Again, bordering on a discussion for another post but definitely something to think about. Sometimes, it's better to say no.
Returning to the original premise, it's important to realize that the ONLY person who can judge your generosity is you. Nobody else can look into your heart and see what it is that makes you decide to help another person or not. Nobody but you is able to know what your circumstances are and why you decide to help or why you decide that now is not the time.
A tangential part of this discussion lies with those who I would consider, "selfishly generous." These are the people who only give when they have some way to benefit from it. They expect a return for their generosity. I'm not saying that giving to another and expecting something is return is entirely bad. It happens all the time and it's a normal part of bartering in real life. So long as it's agreed upon up front, there is no issue. Generosity can benefit both people.
Here's an example of what I'm talking about when I say, "selfishly generous." A mother or father gives up a wad of cash only because they feel guilty that their child is suffering financially. They give unthinkingly, without considering the potential harm to themselves, then walk away feeling like a million bucks! They solved the problem! What's wrong with this is that they didn't solve the problem they professed to solve. They only solved the problem of their OWN feelings of guilt, inadequacy, etc. Their desire was not motivated by wanting to help their kid, they only looked at it as an opportunity to bandage their own hurting soul.
You could call it, "lazy generosity." An unthinking gift may do no good. Indeed, it may do more harm than good. The point though, is that it is not especially generous. It is, in fact, selfish of a person to give to another with no thought of helping but only of covering up some hurting feeling within. Equally disingenuous is helping without considering the long-term effects of what such, "help," will be.
How do you know the difference? If you're giving only to appease the critical masses (family, friends, church people, etc.) and because of the pressure they are putting upon you, then you're not being generous. Do a reality check and make absolutely sure you're not helping just because you feel guilty for NOT doing so. Make sure that when you give, you're not expecting some personal benefit or compensation or repayment in return. (I know people who say that if you help someone now, chances are very good that you'll be able to rely on that person for help in the future if you need it. Kind of like making a deposit into a charity bank account or something!)
If you are genuinely interested in giving help to another, be absolutely sure you give a great deal of thought into what the long-term benefits will be. In a short-term emergency, there may be more room for erring in the side of caution but if you've played out the scenario in your mind ahead of time, you should be able to think clearly without emotion clouding your judgment. Make sure the help you give is not motivated by the fear of the haranguing by others you are sure will come your way. Consider the possibility that the kind of help you're giving is the best help possible. It could be that even though someone is asking for money, it may not be the most helpful thing for that individual or for those circumstances.
There is much more to be said on this subject, no doubt. I may return and re-edit.
--Wag--
Saturday, June 06, 2009
Just do it.
I wrote this on the Diabetes board the other day. Thought it would fit in here!
---------------------------------
This post falls into the category of, "What are we willing to do?"
"We," have developed a mentality, and by, "we," I mean people everywhere, of doing just about anything.....
We have a mentality of seeking the easy fix for any and all of our ills. We feel we don't have time to wait around for a solution to our problems, we want them solved right this instant.
Granted, we've succeeded at providing instant solutions for ourselves in many ways. We can go to a fast food restaurant just about 24/7 if we're hungry. A pill makes our headaches go away. Etc.
There are, however, some things for which we have yet to find our magic bullet. Yet, given our propensity to seek fast, easy solutions to so many ills in our lives, we tend to seek, or at least wait around for, the same types of fast, easy solutions to other problems instead of facing the reality.....
There ain't one.
Exercise is one extreme example. Years ago before my Dx as I struggled to lose extra weight, I read a lot of different diet plans and everyone one of them had one thing in common: At least one chapter on exercise. No joke. If you read any diet book, you'll see it has a chapter on exercise. Conversely, if you pick up any workout magazine or book, you'll see diet referenced in all of them.
The glaringly obvious is so simple to see: You cannot lose weight/get healthy/control BG/improve blood work etc. with either just exercise or just diet. You must have both going at the same time.
In times past, I've attempted to do either or but never, until my Dx, had I ever done both simultaneously. I was more than willing to deceive myself into believing that diet was enough or that exercise was enough. From personal (and admittedly anecdotal) experience, it has recently become clear that both are required.
I look at my father as an example of what not to do. When he died, he was 6' 2" and weighed over 300 pounds. I had to help carry the casket at his funeral and believe you me, that was no easy task. What was notable about my father toward the end of his life was that he had let himself get so overweight and out of shape that he could no longer exercise, even if he wanted to do so. He no longer had the option of working out, walking, bicycling or any other of the things which might have extended his life or at least improved the quality of his day to day life.
He was past the point of no return.
It's easy for me to preach. I know that there are many who are unable to exercise through no fault of their own. There are those who cannot eat certain beneficial things through no fault of their own. It's unfortunate and I understand that. If you can only exercise or only diet, do it. Do what you can do.
If you can do both, though, do both. What I'm talking about here with this mini-essay is, if you still have a choice, make that choice and take control. Do it now and reduce or eliminate the risk of not being able to do it at all. Once, I was asked the question: "If you CAN do better, SHOULD you?" It was a business-related question to be sure, but it applies here. Can you realistically do better than you're doing? Then why not? Are your excuses legitimate or are they just excuses? Are your priorites really aligned properly?
Last year, before my Dx, I reflected on the poor quality of my father's life for his last 10 years and I pondered on how he could barely move as he got older and on the fact that he suffered two major strokes in three years, the second of which killed him. He never did get control of his eating habits and never did exercise during his life. His body and his physiology deteriorated to the point of no return, to the point where he was no longer able to rescue himself.
Last year, I determined that I didn't want to live any more of my life in such a way that I was going to pass the point of no return. I started working out religiously. I didn't change my eating except to watch my portion sizes more closely and it helped. I lost some significant weight. But it wasn't until my Dx several months later that I combined exercise with a proper eating plan and lost MUCH more weight much faster.
The point of all this is very simple. It's tough to exercise but you know what? It's worth the momentary pain. Without exercise, we are unlikely to live the healthiest possible lifestyle we prefer. We may or may not extend our lives but what we WILL do is improve the quality of our lives. I believe longevity is pretty much built into our genes in any case and there isn't much we can do about that. But if you find yourself huffing and puffing after a short walk up a flight of stairs, think about it. If you find that you've eaten too much AGAIN, think about it. If you find yourself vegging in front of another mindless T.V. show, think about that, too.
Think about it. Seriously think and come to the conclusions you need to reach in order to motivate yourself to start working on it. I hear anecdotal stories all the time about how someone had a crappy life, often for many many years and turned things around completely just be getting on this bandwagon. That includes Diabetes control, too.
We resist exercise in many cases because of the pain of it. That's true for me, especially. It's boring. It's time-consuming. I'd rather be in front of my computer doing things which I consider more rewarding. Reading a book, etc. It's a trade-off. We can do the things we enjoy now or gradually give up the ability to do so.
If I don't exercise, I'm giving up several things in my future. All of a sudden, I'm more willing to get my butt off the couch or out of the chair and start doing. Moving more.
And the rewards? Numerous. To put it simply, everything is now easier to do. Even just getting up out of my chair is easier! No grunting any more! LOL
Mostly, I'm just rambling, but it seems that in our never-ending search for a "cure" we miss the closest thing we have to a cure and that is our diet and exercise regimen.
--Wag--
---------------------------------
This post falls into the category of, "What are we willing to do?"
"We," have developed a mentality, and by, "we," I mean people everywhere, of doing just about anything.....
We have a mentality of seeking the easy fix for any and all of our ills. We feel we don't have time to wait around for a solution to our problems, we want them solved right this instant.
Granted, we've succeeded at providing instant solutions for ourselves in many ways. We can go to a fast food restaurant just about 24/7 if we're hungry. A pill makes our headaches go away. Etc.
There are, however, some things for which we have yet to find our magic bullet. Yet, given our propensity to seek fast, easy solutions to so many ills in our lives, we tend to seek, or at least wait around for, the same types of fast, easy solutions to other problems instead of facing the reality.....
There ain't one.
Exercise is one extreme example. Years ago before my Dx as I struggled to lose extra weight, I read a lot of different diet plans and everyone one of them had one thing in common: At least one chapter on exercise. No joke. If you read any diet book, you'll see it has a chapter on exercise. Conversely, if you pick up any workout magazine or book, you'll see diet referenced in all of them.
The glaringly obvious is so simple to see: You cannot lose weight/get healthy/control BG/improve blood work etc. with either just exercise or just diet. You must have both going at the same time.
In times past, I've attempted to do either or but never, until my Dx, had I ever done both simultaneously. I was more than willing to deceive myself into believing that diet was enough or that exercise was enough. From personal (and admittedly anecdotal) experience, it has recently become clear that both are required.
I look at my father as an example of what not to do. When he died, he was 6' 2" and weighed over 300 pounds. I had to help carry the casket at his funeral and believe you me, that was no easy task. What was notable about my father toward the end of his life was that he had let himself get so overweight and out of shape that he could no longer exercise, even if he wanted to do so. He no longer had the option of working out, walking, bicycling or any other of the things which might have extended his life or at least improved the quality of his day to day life.
He was past the point of no return.
It's easy for me to preach. I know that there are many who are unable to exercise through no fault of their own. There are those who cannot eat certain beneficial things through no fault of their own. It's unfortunate and I understand that. If you can only exercise or only diet, do it. Do what you can do.
If you can do both, though, do both. What I'm talking about here with this mini-essay is, if you still have a choice, make that choice and take control. Do it now and reduce or eliminate the risk of not being able to do it at all. Once, I was asked the question: "If you CAN do better, SHOULD you?" It was a business-related question to be sure, but it applies here. Can you realistically do better than you're doing? Then why not? Are your excuses legitimate or are they just excuses? Are your priorites really aligned properly?
Last year, before my Dx, I reflected on the poor quality of my father's life for his last 10 years and I pondered on how he could barely move as he got older and on the fact that he suffered two major strokes in three years, the second of which killed him. He never did get control of his eating habits and never did exercise during his life. His body and his physiology deteriorated to the point of no return, to the point where he was no longer able to rescue himself.
Last year, I determined that I didn't want to live any more of my life in such a way that I was going to pass the point of no return. I started working out religiously. I didn't change my eating except to watch my portion sizes more closely and it helped. I lost some significant weight. But it wasn't until my Dx several months later that I combined exercise with a proper eating plan and lost MUCH more weight much faster.
The point of all this is very simple. It's tough to exercise but you know what? It's worth the momentary pain. Without exercise, we are unlikely to live the healthiest possible lifestyle we prefer. We may or may not extend our lives but what we WILL do is improve the quality of our lives. I believe longevity is pretty much built into our genes in any case and there isn't much we can do about that. But if you find yourself huffing and puffing after a short walk up a flight of stairs, think about it. If you find that you've eaten too much AGAIN, think about it. If you find yourself vegging in front of another mindless T.V. show, think about that, too.
Think about it. Seriously think and come to the conclusions you need to reach in order to motivate yourself to start working on it. I hear anecdotal stories all the time about how someone had a crappy life, often for many many years and turned things around completely just be getting on this bandwagon. That includes Diabetes control, too.
We resist exercise in many cases because of the pain of it. That's true for me, especially. It's boring. It's time-consuming. I'd rather be in front of my computer doing things which I consider more rewarding. Reading a book, etc. It's a trade-off. We can do the things we enjoy now or gradually give up the ability to do so.
If I don't exercise, I'm giving up several things in my future. All of a sudden, I'm more willing to get my butt off the couch or out of the chair and start doing. Moving more.
And the rewards? Numerous. To put it simply, everything is now easier to do. Even just getting up out of my chair is easier! No grunting any more! LOL
Mostly, I'm just rambling, but it seems that in our never-ending search for a "cure" we miss the closest thing we have to a cure and that is our diet and exercise regimen.
--Wag--
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
An update on diabetes
Okay, so in January, I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes. It's been a battle to get my blood sugar under control. Doing it mostly through diet and exercise but also using a pill called Metformin. Great stuff with the least side effects of all and the least dangerous of all the Diabetes drugs out there. Indeed, for the moment, it can be considered pretty harmless but it does good things for you without some of the dangerous side effects of some of the other drugs. It's an oral med too which makes it easy to live with.
The workouts are going well. I've lost 36 pounds since July of last year. 15 or so of that since the Diabetes was diagnosed in January.
Of course, the reality is, we as Americans consume about 5 bajillion times more sugar and carbohydrates than we need to live on. Carbs are less evil if you have a super duper active lifestyle but even that won't prevent Type II from settling in with you if you already have the genes for it. I only eat about 45 carbs a day on average and sometimes much much less than that. No ill effects so far but who knows? I could get blindsided with a problem later on down the road! The doc just did a urinalysis last week but we haven't talked about it. If there is a problem it would show up there. From what I can see, though, it isn't a problem.
One of the tests they do for diabetes is an HbA1C test. It seems that your red blood cells take an imprint of the maximum amount of blood sugar you have at a given time and they can test for it. I'm not explaining it very well but the bottom line is, every three months, your red blood cells are completely replaced. That means that every three months, they can test for the average imprint of blood sugar in the past three months and see how you've been dong for that period of time on average. Still necessary to test frequently on a daily basis too, though.
Anyhoo, back in January, I was tested with an A1C of 8.6. Last week, I was tested at 4.8. That's considered in a normal range, folks! What I'm doing appears to be working!
Let's celebrate with a tub of ice cream, a stack of waffles and a loaf of dark wheat bread with tons of butter and honey!
Just kidding about that last part. My feet would just about fall off on their own if I did that!
--Wag--
The workouts are going well. I've lost 36 pounds since July of last year. 15 or so of that since the Diabetes was diagnosed in January.
Of course, the reality is, we as Americans consume about 5 bajillion times more sugar and carbohydrates than we need to live on. Carbs are less evil if you have a super duper active lifestyle but even that won't prevent Type II from settling in with you if you already have the genes for it. I only eat about 45 carbs a day on average and sometimes much much less than that. No ill effects so far but who knows? I could get blindsided with a problem later on down the road! The doc just did a urinalysis last week but we haven't talked about it. If there is a problem it would show up there. From what I can see, though, it isn't a problem.
One of the tests they do for diabetes is an HbA1C test. It seems that your red blood cells take an imprint of the maximum amount of blood sugar you have at a given time and they can test for it. I'm not explaining it very well but the bottom line is, every three months, your red blood cells are completely replaced. That means that every three months, they can test for the average imprint of blood sugar in the past three months and see how you've been dong for that period of time on average. Still necessary to test frequently on a daily basis too, though.
Anyhoo, back in January, I was tested with an A1C of 8.6. Last week, I was tested at 4.8. That's considered in a normal range, folks! What I'm doing appears to be working!
Let's celebrate with a tub of ice cream, a stack of waffles and a loaf of dark wheat bread with tons of butter and honey!
Just kidding about that last part. My feet would just about fall off on their own if I did that!
--Wag--
Friday, April 17, 2009
The Cymbalta nightmare
Okay, some background. My Primary Care Physicia, or PCP, sent me to a podiatrist because of my foot pain. After some significant time in his office, he prescribed Cymbalta for it and had some free samples to give me which I cheerfully accepted.
Here is the post I made on diabetes.org this morning:
I took Cymbalta for nearly thee months and it nearly wrecked my life.
I'll never support the use of Cymbalta for DPN or anything else, for that matter. It works, yes, but there is a host of detrimental side effects that go along with it. Do your homework before agreeing to use it. Personally, the risks are not worth it to me.
The podiatrist I was going to suggested it and informed me of NONE of the side effects to watch out for. He only said that it's supposed to help with the foot pain and he prescribed it because the pain it was waking me up in the middle of the night.
Again, what he didn't tell me, were the side effects:
1. Insomnia. Yup. That's exactly what happened to me. So, instead of waking up for 30 minutes on many (but not all) nights with foot pain, I was waking up every night for 2 hours with no real clear reason as to why. BTW, this is the most significant side effect listed on the Eli Lilly web site. You'd think the doctor would have mentioned it and told me to watch out for it.
2. Elevated blood sugar. Unbelievable, eh? It's supposed to be a SLIGHT elevation but really, now, are we supposed to battle our own body's lack of blood sugar control AND battle a prescription drug too? Jeez. BTW, I stopped it cold turkey about three weeks ago and my BG levels have been getting lower since. Could be a combination of things but . . . . Regardless, I'm interested in controlling BG at every possible level and I do NOT need something working against me, even if it's at a low level.
3. Elevated Triglycerides, elevated LDL, lowered HDL. Again, I was battling these things, working hard to get them under control and Cymbalta was working against me. Unbelievable. I still don't have a final verdict on my lipids but at this point, I hate to think that there is a possibility that I could have had another drug added to my list of pharmaceuticals to control lipids and worse, one which I might not need. At the very least, I'm thinking I might need less of it if it comes down to it.
4. Lethargy was the one that nearly wrecked my life. I'm still catching up from the productivity losses I suffered at work. I'm amazed I wasn't fired during that time. The only way I can describe it looking back to when I was taking Cymbalta, is that it put me into a zombie like state. Since I stopped taking it, I've feel like I've reawakened. My productivity is literaly multiples on top of multiples greater than it was while on Cymbalta. I'm awake again and getting things done.
5. Urinary dysfunction. I was having symptoms which appears, for all intents and purposes, to be the same as the symptoms for prostate enlargement. Difficulty starting, reducde flow, feeling like the bladder is not completely empty, taking a long time to urinate, etc. I was just about to ask the PCP to start dealing with it, which would most likely have resulted in the need for YET ANOTHER prescription
drug. Once I stopped taking Cymbalta, those symptoms dissapated gradually over the past three weeks. There is still some residual effect but I think I'll wait to attempt to determine if the Cymbalta is still working its way out of my system or if I really do have a slight prostate enlargement or if the Cymbalta did some permanent damage. I don't know yet so I'm still reserving judgement. It is clear, however, that stopping the prescription use has improved that part of my life.
6. Sexual dysfunction. Again, I was just about to address this with the PCP and would most likely have ended up with another prescription drug such as Cialis or Viagra. Not really what I want but I don't want to be deprived, either. Just as importantly, I don't want my life mate deprived. Problems included not having a full erection, not being able to sustain an erection to orgasm, less satisfying orgasm or long LONG delays in reaching orgasm and not reaching orgasm at all. Notably, ALL of these problems went away within 36 hours after stopping Cymbalta.
7. Suicidal ideations. I didn't have anything seriously along these lines, but I was starting to get discouraged about the failings I was having. See #4 above. The problem is, you know you're failing but you can't do anything about it. Scary stuff, really. Some anecdotal incidents on the web sites out there include putting people on suicide watch. This could have resulted in yet another prescription for
depression, although Cymbalta is used for that, as well so who knows? Was I headed in this direction?
8. Cardiovascular issues. This one didn't seem too significant, however, with diabetics, would you want to add risk to an already risky situation in this area? Not me. I don't know and will never be able
to tell if Cymbalta caused any permanent damage. I'll be watching for class action lawsuits, I can assure you.
9. Nose bleeds and dry skin. Putting these together here because they may be related. Fact is, my nose bleeds have tapered off significantly and the dry skin patches have shrunk in size dramatically and are less dry. Still battling some nose bleeds (never had nose bleeds before Cymbalta) but they are tapering off, finally.
Net savings on not taking Cymbalta is at least FIVE fewer prescriptions at a co-pay of $30 each on my current insurance plan for a total savings of probably $150.00 per month. To say nothing of putting that many fewer unnecessary chems through my system. To say nothing of improving my quality of life dramatically. Already.
Google it. There are four benefits/uses listed for Cymbalta compared to a laundry list of potentially detrimental side-effects which will stretch from floor to ceiling and that's no exaggeration. Well, maybe a little. But the fact is, even mathematically, you will hit several of those side-effects. Which ones are you willing to live with?
I will say this: It did stop my DPN for the most part. Not completely, though, and mine isn't all that bad, either. I question the value of it for a guy like me who can take some Advil or Tylenol for the few times when it's bad enough to warrant that usage.
All I'm saying is, do your homework first. The podiatrist, I suspect, got a boat load of samples from a drug vendor/salesman and just dumped it on me without reading the insert. Who knows? I can't accuse him with 100% certainty, but at the very least, he didn't do his job with me.
I suppose the same applies to all care you receive from your physicians: Do your homework, folks. On EVERYTHING.
--Wag--
Here is the post I made on diabetes.org this morning:
I took Cymbalta for nearly thee months and it nearly wrecked my life.
I'll never support the use of Cymbalta for DPN or anything else, for that matter. It works, yes, but there is a host of detrimental side effects that go along with it. Do your homework before agreeing to use it. Personally, the risks are not worth it to me.
The podiatrist I was going to suggested it and informed me of NONE of the side effects to watch out for. He only said that it's supposed to help with the foot pain and he prescribed it because the pain it was waking me up in the middle of the night.
Again, what he didn't tell me, were the side effects:
1. Insomnia. Yup. That's exactly what happened to me. So, instead of waking up for 30 minutes on many (but not all) nights with foot pain, I was waking up every night for 2 hours with no real clear reason as to why. BTW, this is the most significant side effect listed on the Eli Lilly web site. You'd think the doctor would have mentioned it and told me to watch out for it.
2. Elevated blood sugar. Unbelievable, eh? It's supposed to be a SLIGHT elevation but really, now, are we supposed to battle our own body's lack of blood sugar control AND battle a prescription drug too? Jeez. BTW, I stopped it cold turkey about three weeks ago and my BG levels have been getting lower since. Could be a combination of things but . . . . Regardless, I'm interested in controlling BG at every possible level and I do NOT need something working against me, even if it's at a low level.
3. Elevated Triglycerides, elevated LDL, lowered HDL. Again, I was battling these things, working hard to get them under control and Cymbalta was working against me. Unbelievable. I still don't have a final verdict on my lipids but at this point, I hate to think that there is a possibility that I could have had another drug added to my list of pharmaceuticals to control lipids and worse, one which I might not need. At the very least, I'm thinking I might need less of it if it comes down to it.
4. Lethargy was the one that nearly wrecked my life. I'm still catching up from the productivity losses I suffered at work. I'm amazed I wasn't fired during that time. The only way I can describe it looking back to when I was taking Cymbalta, is that it put me into a zombie like state. Since I stopped taking it, I've feel like I've reawakened. My productivity is literaly multiples on top of multiples greater than it was while on Cymbalta. I'm awake again and getting things done.
5. Urinary dysfunction. I was having symptoms which appears, for all intents and purposes, to be the same as the symptoms for prostate enlargement. Difficulty starting, reducde flow, feeling like the bladder is not completely empty, taking a long time to urinate, etc. I was just about to ask the PCP to start dealing with it, which would most likely have resulted in the need for YET ANOTHER prescription
drug. Once I stopped taking Cymbalta, those symptoms dissapated gradually over the past three weeks. There is still some residual effect but I think I'll wait to attempt to determine if the Cymbalta is still working its way out of my system or if I really do have a slight prostate enlargement or if the Cymbalta did some permanent damage. I don't know yet so I'm still reserving judgement. It is clear, however, that stopping the prescription use has improved that part of my life.
6. Sexual dysfunction. Again, I was just about to address this with the PCP and would most likely have ended up with another prescription drug such as Cialis or Viagra. Not really what I want but I don't want to be deprived, either. Just as importantly, I don't want my life mate deprived. Problems included not having a full erection, not being able to sustain an erection to orgasm, less satisfying orgasm or long LONG delays in reaching orgasm and not reaching orgasm at all. Notably, ALL of these problems went away within 36 hours after stopping Cymbalta.
7. Suicidal ideations. I didn't have anything seriously along these lines, but I was starting to get discouraged about the failings I was having. See #4 above. The problem is, you know you're failing but you can't do anything about it. Scary stuff, really. Some anecdotal incidents on the web sites out there include putting people on suicide watch. This could have resulted in yet another prescription for
depression, although Cymbalta is used for that, as well so who knows? Was I headed in this direction?
8. Cardiovascular issues. This one didn't seem too significant, however, with diabetics, would you want to add risk to an already risky situation in this area? Not me. I don't know and will never be able
to tell if Cymbalta caused any permanent damage. I'll be watching for class action lawsuits, I can assure you.
9. Nose bleeds and dry skin. Putting these together here because they may be related. Fact is, my nose bleeds have tapered off significantly and the dry skin patches have shrunk in size dramatically and are less dry. Still battling some nose bleeds (never had nose bleeds before Cymbalta) but they are tapering off, finally.
Net savings on not taking Cymbalta is at least FIVE fewer prescriptions at a co-pay of $30 each on my current insurance plan for a total savings of probably $150.00 per month. To say nothing of putting that many fewer unnecessary chems through my system. To say nothing of improving my quality of life dramatically. Already.
Google it. There are four benefits/uses listed for Cymbalta compared to a laundry list of potentially detrimental side-effects which will stretch from floor to ceiling and that's no exaggeration. Well, maybe a little. But the fact is, even mathematically, you will hit several of those side-effects. Which ones are you willing to live with?
I will say this: It did stop my DPN for the most part. Not completely, though, and mine isn't all that bad, either. I question the value of it for a guy like me who can take some Advil or Tylenol for the few times when it's bad enough to warrant that usage.
All I'm saying is, do your homework first. The podiatrist, I suspect, got a boat load of samples from a drug vendor/salesman and just dumped it on me without reading the insert. Who knows? I can't accuse him with 100% certainty, but at the very least, he didn't do his job with me.
I suppose the same applies to all care you receive from your physicians: Do your homework, folks. On EVERYTHING.
--Wag--
Friday, April 10, 2009
Semi-major announcement.
Semi-Major Announcement
Originally, I was only going to send this to my siblings because it directly relates to them. However, it’s applicable to many and deserves the attention of others.
The good part of the story.
I’ll start with the good part of the story.
In July of 2008, my buddy and I were sitting around whining and complaining about how we were getting soooooo, lethargic and sedentary and how we just couldn’t get up the motivation to get anything done about our increasing waistlines. He had the equipment set up in his home in a spare bedroom and could work out but just never had the motivation after a long day at work. I was the same way, coming home every day, sitting in front of the T.V. and computer (at the same time!) and just being a lazy slug.
To be fair, actually, we weren’t really putting on a ton of weight but we sure weren’t doing ourselves any good and we weren’t taking any off. We were just whining and complaining about it. Which turned out to be a good thing, ultimately.
One fine Thursday, I called and said, “Mikey, I drive past your house every day on the way to and from work. I could just stop in and we could lift weights for an hour or so and it wouldn’t be any real problem. No gym, no muss, no fuss.” He said, “Sure, let’s do it!” So, the following Monday we set up to work out. And missed the day. Something came up. We finally got to it that Wednesday but, of course, the important thing is, we got to it finally.
From mid-July to November, 2008, we worked out nearly every week day after work. I lost about 10 or 15 pounds during that time. Not a record-breaker, of course, but it was a good steady pace and not unhealthy to be taking our time. Even though I had hopes of losing the weight, ultimately, that was not mine or Mikey’s motivation. We just wanted to get off our lazy hineys.
When you train with weights, you put on muscle which has a greater density than fat and weight loss on the scale actually translates to greater loss of mass on the body as your fat melts off and your muscles grow. That fact was evidenced by my gradually shrinking waistline. One of the other benefits of weight training is that muscle tissue requires fuel and as you develop your musculature, it just sits there in your body burning lots of needed fuel which comes from your fat stores.
The list of benefits to the body is virtually endless and I won’t go into it here.
An interruption
In November, the Sunday before Thanksgiving, Nanette and I were on our way to a charity benefit ride on our motorcycles. As we left the house, it was very cold and my motorcycle’s tires were very cold. If you don’t know already, cold tires on any vehicle simply don’t grab the road very well. Most people in cars don’t have any issues with this because they don’t drive aggressively enough to cause a skid on dry, cold pavement.
On a motorcycle, though, it’s a real concern and a significant danger. When a motorcycle tire is cold, it can slip quite easily, even on dry pavement. I have always known this but usually keep my attention on the back tire and I always take it easy on the throttle so as not to spin out when my tire hasn’t warmed up yet.
I forgot about the front tire.
As I went to make the first turn at the end of my street, my front tire washed out on me and dumped me on the ground. I was going less than 10 mph and though slightly stunned, I shook it off, the bike started up again and we took riding for the rest of the day. I’ll interject, that if you buy a bike and ride, buy all the leather gear with armor and helmet. Looking at the damage to my equipment and riding gear, it saved me a great deal of pain and suffering, even for a low speed crash.
I was having a slight pain in the left side of my abdomen, just under the rib cage but it seemed insignificant and I just figured I’d bruised a rib when I hit the ground. It was a little tough to breathe was the only thing.
That evening, I was REALLY hurting. My abdominal area was in pain and my left shoulder was killing me. Nothing helped. Some pain killers helped me sleep a bit and I went to work the next day thinking it was still just a little minor bruising of some kind and that I would get over it. I hadn’t hit my shoulder when I went down off the bike so that didn’t make sense to me. It just hurt. A lot.
Cutting a lot of story out of here for the moment. I went to the ER the following afternoon, they did their thing and determined that I had lacerated my spleen and lost a lot of blood into my abdomen (I could feel it sloshing around) and that I was lucky it wasn’t any worse.
Well, of course. A serious spleen injury would have bled me to death in mere minutes the previous morning! I was lucky. They determined that I didn’t need surgery and would likely heal up on my own.
Of course, the Dr. told me no riding, no working out, nothing. The pain was pretty intense for a couple of weeks, though, so I couldn't eat anyway and continued to lose a bit of weight, even though I wasn’t working out. I was off the workouts for about six weeks before the Dr. cleared me to ride and work out again and Mikey and I got back to it.
The real reason for this story and the announcement
At the end of January, after resuming my work outs with Mikey and continuing to shed the pounds and inches, I finally decided I needed to get myself down to a doctor’s office for my forty-year old checkup and tune up. Of course, I was three years late. I didn’t feel exactly unhealthy but there were a few minor things which were making me wonder. Nothing major, just some things which I’ll get into in a moment.
We talked, he ordered the usual blood work and I went to have my blood drawn the next day and then set a follow-up appointment with the Dr. for three weeks down the road. Of course, I can’t stand to have to wait for results or anything so I asked around and was able to get my test results that afternoon.
Nothing was in the right place. Well, actually, most of the tests were perfectly normal except the cholesterol. All of those numbers were slightly out of the maximums or in the case of HDL the minimum. The triglycerides were significantly out of whack.
The big thing was the fasting blood glucose test (FBG). Mine was 335. The test page said it should be between 80 and 120. I didn’t know for certain but something jogged my thoughts to the point where I asked around a bit and realized that I was probably diabetic and that a number that high was actually quite dangerous.
I waited for the Dr. to call me in a panic, telling me to get in there and get started on some pills or something. No call. After a week, I wasn’t too happy at all with the lack of attention from the doctor. My brother-in-law and I were talking about it and he had an extra test meter which he showed me how to use. I started testing and realized that the first test at the lab was actually much higher than what I was probably normally at in every day life. I don’t remember how high those first few self-tests were that week but they were too high.
So, after not hearing from the Dr. for about 10 days, I called in and demanded that the Dr. see me ASAP. He worked me in the next afternoon and we started treating this.
Some things I’ve learned.
Well, of course, there were a wide range of emotions of all kinds as I started to confront this. It isn’t like cancer which is going to kill me in a couple weeks. But it’s a dang inconvenience at best. I had started testing all the time, worrying about what I was doing to myself when I eat, blaming myself for the onset of the diabetes, ticked off because I’ve always been healthy as a horse all of my life. . . .
The works.
But in the meantime, I’ve been educating myself about it and have learned a ton. This self-education is the reason for writing to you, my brothers and my sisters. I’m thinking that it would be useful for you to know this and you’ll see why in the very next paragraphs.
One of the most important things I’ve learned is that it’s a genetic abnormality. It isn’t something you can give yourself by neglect or even intent. There is a prevailing, false rumor out there that people who allow themselves to be overweight will contract diabetes. I’ve learned that that isn’t remotely true. There are plenty of grossly overweight people out there who have no issues with blood sugar control and there are plenty of normally-weighted people who discover that they have it. So, you can’t tell by looking at someone that they are prone to diabetes although you could justify testing for it.
As I said, it’s strictly genetic and is passed on through the genes. As you all know, Mom and Grandma Wagner both were diagnosed as Type II Diabetics within the last 15 or so years. As Mom so truthfully put it, “You’re getting it from both sides of your parentage.” That was years ago and she was telling me, essentially, to watch myself. I didn’t not take her seriously, but for some reason, I thought I had plenty of time to keep an eye out for it.
During the year or so prior to beginning my workouts with Mikey, however, I had started to notice some things which caused me to wonder. Even though it was all relatively minor stuff, it was, as I said, concerning. Diabetes is called the silent killer. It just sneaks up on people. The little symptoms don’t seem like a big deal until one day, you’re in the ER with your blood glucose through the roof and you’re losing a leg.
That’s no joke. It happens. Larry Miller, a man living in Salt Lake City who owns many car dealerships and other businesses in the Southwestern U.S., and who was a very wealthy man was put in the hospital a few months ago and had both of his legs amputated. A few weeks later, he died from complications of his diabetes. I don’t know his whole medical history, of course, but I have to wonder if it was something he was ignoring because of his busy schedule or just not really realizing that his pains were not just from aging.
I do know what it was for me, which is what I intend to attempt to communicate to you. I was lucky to be diagnosed so early in the progression of it.
The symptoms and warning signs
I ignored these, partly because I was not really all that clear on them, partly because I was in denial and thought I could just cut most sugar from my diet to prevent it and partly because I genuinely didn’t recognize all the symptoms as being related to a problem like diabetes, regardless of Mom and Grandma having had it. I was also actually making several excuses to myself and I think somewhere deep down, I was simply denying what was going on.
First memorable symptom was raging thirst, especially at night. I started keeping a water bottle on the night stand and sometimes, would wake up and chug the whole thing.
In addition, I would find myself getting up three or four times a night to pee. I also remember that there were times when I would eat a dinner high in carbs, such as rice (sushi!) or lots of bread or pasta and would spend the rest of the night getting up every hour on the hour to pee.
Also, early on, I noticed that my feet would itch incessantly whenever I went to bed. I didn’t really connect that to anything but I thought it was just some kind of allergy to laundry soap or something. Now, looking back, I think it could have been an early symptom.
As time went on, I would occasionally have a sharp, piercing pain in my foot. Right before I went to the Dr., my feet finally developed some numbness in the toes and some numbness on the bottom of my feet right behind the ball of my foot. It felt like my sock had wadded itself up, even though I would check and it was just fine. Sometimes, I felt like my feet were freezing cold but if I took my shoe off and rubbed it down, it was warm to the touch of my hand.
Another symptom was that I was tired all the time. You know that tired feeling you get after a big meal like Thanksgiving? I was getting that feeling after eating minimal amounts and the sleepiness would come on completely uncontrollably and I’d go out like a light. Behind my desk at work, on the couch at home, at a friend’s house, etc. Never behind the wheel of the car, though. I just don’t drive that much any more anyway.
Sugar cravings were a big part of it. I would find myself just simply lusting after anything sweet, anything bread related, cereal, pasta, corn, that kind of thing. French Fries were a constant craving, it seemed. Something about diabetes just makes you want that easy sugar rush all the time.
Weight gain is now thought to be a symptom of diabetes and it is thought that people with diabetes who are overweight probably became overweight because of diabetes rather than the other way around. It could be a symptom, or so the studies are starting to show. Yet, some people who are not remotely overweight will develop diabetes. Grandma was an example of this.
When I was in the hospital after the motorcycle spill, they tested my blood sugar at 147. I asked the doctor at the time if that wasn’t a bit high and he said that it is but they felt that it was because of the blood pooling up in my abdominal cavity. I think this was the catalyst for going to the family doctor for the 43 year old tune up!
Even though diabetes is genetic, prevailing thought is that it may lie dormant in many cases until it is triggered by an event or a long cycle of habits. Even though you can’t eat yourself or laze yourself into diabetes, you may not have the best of eating habits and that could cause it to trigger. You may be sedentary and cause it to trigger. There is the possibility that an exposure to a fertilizer or a bug spray or some other chemical catalyst could trigger it.
It could just as easily, however, simply land on you with both feet regardless of how you treat your body, good or bad.
The bottom line here is that about the only thing the medical profession is sure of is that it is genetic in most cases. We joke about eating ourselves into diabetes and yeah, it’s funny. The fact is, however, it’s just not the way it works.
The conclusion for our families.
So. What next? It’s kind of a mixed bag. On the one hand, I didn’t ask for this, of course. On the other hand, I’m sitting at the card table of life with this crappy hand and asking for four more cards. I can’t, however, give this one back. It has to be played. Fortunately, technology and learning have made it possible to control diabetes and live a normal life for the most part.
People will say, “Well, now you can’t eat this or that and you have to exercise all the time and and and. . .THAT’s not a ‘normal’ life!”
Um, actually, it is. What’s not normal is sitting around all the time getting no exercise, eating crap food and putting on excess weight without regard to one’s health. That’s the life I used to live. Pretty sad that in our society today, “normal,” has come to be defined as, “Doing whatever we wish without regard to the consequences.”
After the diagnosis, I’ve started to realize that the diabetic lifestyle is probably more “normal” than the way most people live. We should be getting exercise once or even twice a day. We should be limiting the amount of carbohydrates we eat. We should be making sure we get enough rest every night. The reality is, most people in this country don’t live a normal life at all with regard to their health.
I say this as an offshoot of a comment my doctor made. He said, “The diabetic diet is actually the diet everyone should live on. It’s about the healthiest diet out there!” I think he may be right, though I think the diet that is generally proposed by diabetic nurses and doctors is still not quite right. Each person is different, however, so no one diet can actually be applied to everyone.
Some thoughts.
I’m only telling you all of the above because as a genetic disorder, all y’all have the potential, through your genes, to have this problem yourselves. Also, it’s possible that you’ve been privileged to pass it on to your kids. The bottom line, of course, is that you will want to keep an eye on yourselves. There is no right age to check. Check it every year with your doctor and make sure your fasting blood glucose is never above 120. If it is, time to do further testing. Realize, too, that many doctors will not give you the proper testing until that number hits 140 or even 160 but studies are showing that peripheral neuropathy (that foot pain I was describing) and retinopathy (blindness) and a host of other disorders and physical damage can occur even at levels just above 100.
As a footnote (pun intended!) the pain in my feet continued long enough to cause permanent damage. It isn’t going to go away. I’m fortunate, however, in that this was caught before it got bad enough to cause loss of limb! Also, I believe whole-heartedly that I’m not going to have any further damage.
A “normal” range for your blood glucose while fasting is 85 and maxes just over 100 for a VERY short period of time after eating. Around 30 to 60 minutes typically. Then the glucose level drops again as the insulin in your body kicks in and clears most of it out of your blood. Everyone is different, of course, so if you get an FBG test over 100 or 120, it would be a good idea to explore it further with your doctors. Better to know than to lose a leg or a kidney!
In conclusion.
I’ve lost 30 pounds since last July. I intend to lose another 15 to 20 and see where I’m at from there. I’ve lost at least two sizes off my waist and look forward to losing more. If you want to know how much 30 pounds is, go to a grocery store and pile up 30 pounds of hamburger in the meat section and see how much volume that takes up. The fat in your body takes up about that much volume. As I said, though, the muscle you develop will weigh more per size so there is the possibility that while I’ve lost 30 pounds on the scale, I’ve lost 35 in fat.
Who knows?! I’m just glad of it regardless.
More importantly, I’ve gained greater control over my body and mind. It’s very true that the diabetic “diet” is healthy. It promotes normal weight and promotes the idea that an individual can actually take control and do what it takes to engage themselves in their own treatment. In fact, it’s practically mandatory!
While I didn’t ask for this or want it, there is a certain irony that now that I have this disorder, I’ve actually become healthier than I was before. Or thought I was. I’ve got a lot to learn, still, but for the most part, I think I know the basics and can confront this without further major issues.
Of course, I’m more than happy to go into more detail if anyone feels they need it.
Hoping you have the healthy lives you desire and
Much love,
--Wag--
Originally, I was only going to send this to my siblings because it directly relates to them. However, it’s applicable to many and deserves the attention of others.
The good part of the story.
I’ll start with the good part of the story.
In July of 2008, my buddy and I were sitting around whining and complaining about how we were getting soooooo, lethargic and sedentary and how we just couldn’t get up the motivation to get anything done about our increasing waistlines. He had the equipment set up in his home in a spare bedroom and could work out but just never had the motivation after a long day at work. I was the same way, coming home every day, sitting in front of the T.V. and computer (at the same time!) and just being a lazy slug.
To be fair, actually, we weren’t really putting on a ton of weight but we sure weren’t doing ourselves any good and we weren’t taking any off. We were just whining and complaining about it. Which turned out to be a good thing, ultimately.
One fine Thursday, I called and said, “Mikey, I drive past your house every day on the way to and from work. I could just stop in and we could lift weights for an hour or so and it wouldn’t be any real problem. No gym, no muss, no fuss.” He said, “Sure, let’s do it!” So, the following Monday we set up to work out. And missed the day. Something came up. We finally got to it that Wednesday but, of course, the important thing is, we got to it finally.
From mid-July to November, 2008, we worked out nearly every week day after work. I lost about 10 or 15 pounds during that time. Not a record-breaker, of course, but it was a good steady pace and not unhealthy to be taking our time. Even though I had hopes of losing the weight, ultimately, that was not mine or Mikey’s motivation. We just wanted to get off our lazy hineys.
When you train with weights, you put on muscle which has a greater density than fat and weight loss on the scale actually translates to greater loss of mass on the body as your fat melts off and your muscles grow. That fact was evidenced by my gradually shrinking waistline. One of the other benefits of weight training is that muscle tissue requires fuel and as you develop your musculature, it just sits there in your body burning lots of needed fuel which comes from your fat stores.
The list of benefits to the body is virtually endless and I won’t go into it here.
An interruption
In November, the Sunday before Thanksgiving, Nanette and I were on our way to a charity benefit ride on our motorcycles. As we left the house, it was very cold and my motorcycle’s tires were very cold. If you don’t know already, cold tires on any vehicle simply don’t grab the road very well. Most people in cars don’t have any issues with this because they don’t drive aggressively enough to cause a skid on dry, cold pavement.
On a motorcycle, though, it’s a real concern and a significant danger. When a motorcycle tire is cold, it can slip quite easily, even on dry pavement. I have always known this but usually keep my attention on the back tire and I always take it easy on the throttle so as not to spin out when my tire hasn’t warmed up yet.
I forgot about the front tire.
As I went to make the first turn at the end of my street, my front tire washed out on me and dumped me on the ground. I was going less than 10 mph and though slightly stunned, I shook it off, the bike started up again and we took riding for the rest of the day. I’ll interject, that if you buy a bike and ride, buy all the leather gear with armor and helmet. Looking at the damage to my equipment and riding gear, it saved me a great deal of pain and suffering, even for a low speed crash.
I was having a slight pain in the left side of my abdomen, just under the rib cage but it seemed insignificant and I just figured I’d bruised a rib when I hit the ground. It was a little tough to breathe was the only thing.
That evening, I was REALLY hurting. My abdominal area was in pain and my left shoulder was killing me. Nothing helped. Some pain killers helped me sleep a bit and I went to work the next day thinking it was still just a little minor bruising of some kind and that I would get over it. I hadn’t hit my shoulder when I went down off the bike so that didn’t make sense to me. It just hurt. A lot.
Cutting a lot of story out of here for the moment. I went to the ER the following afternoon, they did their thing and determined that I had lacerated my spleen and lost a lot of blood into my abdomen (I could feel it sloshing around) and that I was lucky it wasn’t any worse.
Well, of course. A serious spleen injury would have bled me to death in mere minutes the previous morning! I was lucky. They determined that I didn’t need surgery and would likely heal up on my own.
Of course, the Dr. told me no riding, no working out, nothing. The pain was pretty intense for a couple of weeks, though, so I couldn't eat anyway and continued to lose a bit of weight, even though I wasn’t working out. I was off the workouts for about six weeks before the Dr. cleared me to ride and work out again and Mikey and I got back to it.
The real reason for this story and the announcement
At the end of January, after resuming my work outs with Mikey and continuing to shed the pounds and inches, I finally decided I needed to get myself down to a doctor’s office for my forty-year old checkup and tune up. Of course, I was three years late. I didn’t feel exactly unhealthy but there were a few minor things which were making me wonder. Nothing major, just some things which I’ll get into in a moment.
We talked, he ordered the usual blood work and I went to have my blood drawn the next day and then set a follow-up appointment with the Dr. for three weeks down the road. Of course, I can’t stand to have to wait for results or anything so I asked around and was able to get my test results that afternoon.
Nothing was in the right place. Well, actually, most of the tests were perfectly normal except the cholesterol. All of those numbers were slightly out of the maximums or in the case of HDL the minimum. The triglycerides were significantly out of whack.
The big thing was the fasting blood glucose test (FBG). Mine was 335. The test page said it should be between 80 and 120. I didn’t know for certain but something jogged my thoughts to the point where I asked around a bit and realized that I was probably diabetic and that a number that high was actually quite dangerous.
I waited for the Dr. to call me in a panic, telling me to get in there and get started on some pills or something. No call. After a week, I wasn’t too happy at all with the lack of attention from the doctor. My brother-in-law and I were talking about it and he had an extra test meter which he showed me how to use. I started testing and realized that the first test at the lab was actually much higher than what I was probably normally at in every day life. I don’t remember how high those first few self-tests were that week but they were too high.
So, after not hearing from the Dr. for about 10 days, I called in and demanded that the Dr. see me ASAP. He worked me in the next afternoon and we started treating this.
Some things I’ve learned.
Well, of course, there were a wide range of emotions of all kinds as I started to confront this. It isn’t like cancer which is going to kill me in a couple weeks. But it’s a dang inconvenience at best. I had started testing all the time, worrying about what I was doing to myself when I eat, blaming myself for the onset of the diabetes, ticked off because I’ve always been healthy as a horse all of my life. . . .
The works.
But in the meantime, I’ve been educating myself about it and have learned a ton. This self-education is the reason for writing to you, my brothers and my sisters. I’m thinking that it would be useful for you to know this and you’ll see why in the very next paragraphs.
One of the most important things I’ve learned is that it’s a genetic abnormality. It isn’t something you can give yourself by neglect or even intent. There is a prevailing, false rumor out there that people who allow themselves to be overweight will contract diabetes. I’ve learned that that isn’t remotely true. There are plenty of grossly overweight people out there who have no issues with blood sugar control and there are plenty of normally-weighted people who discover that they have it. So, you can’t tell by looking at someone that they are prone to diabetes although you could justify testing for it.
As I said, it’s strictly genetic and is passed on through the genes. As you all know, Mom and Grandma Wagner both were diagnosed as Type II Diabetics within the last 15 or so years. As Mom so truthfully put it, “You’re getting it from both sides of your parentage.” That was years ago and she was telling me, essentially, to watch myself. I didn’t not take her seriously, but for some reason, I thought I had plenty of time to keep an eye out for it.
During the year or so prior to beginning my workouts with Mikey, however, I had started to notice some things which caused me to wonder. Even though it was all relatively minor stuff, it was, as I said, concerning. Diabetes is called the silent killer. It just sneaks up on people. The little symptoms don’t seem like a big deal until one day, you’re in the ER with your blood glucose through the roof and you’re losing a leg.
That’s no joke. It happens. Larry Miller, a man living in Salt Lake City who owns many car dealerships and other businesses in the Southwestern U.S., and who was a very wealthy man was put in the hospital a few months ago and had both of his legs amputated. A few weeks later, he died from complications of his diabetes. I don’t know his whole medical history, of course, but I have to wonder if it was something he was ignoring because of his busy schedule or just not really realizing that his pains were not just from aging.
I do know what it was for me, which is what I intend to attempt to communicate to you. I was lucky to be diagnosed so early in the progression of it.
The symptoms and warning signs
I ignored these, partly because I was not really all that clear on them, partly because I was in denial and thought I could just cut most sugar from my diet to prevent it and partly because I genuinely didn’t recognize all the symptoms as being related to a problem like diabetes, regardless of Mom and Grandma having had it. I was also actually making several excuses to myself and I think somewhere deep down, I was simply denying what was going on.
First memorable symptom was raging thirst, especially at night. I started keeping a water bottle on the night stand and sometimes, would wake up and chug the whole thing.
In addition, I would find myself getting up three or four times a night to pee. I also remember that there were times when I would eat a dinner high in carbs, such as rice (sushi!) or lots of bread or pasta and would spend the rest of the night getting up every hour on the hour to pee.
Also, early on, I noticed that my feet would itch incessantly whenever I went to bed. I didn’t really connect that to anything but I thought it was just some kind of allergy to laundry soap or something. Now, looking back, I think it could have been an early symptom.
As time went on, I would occasionally have a sharp, piercing pain in my foot. Right before I went to the Dr., my feet finally developed some numbness in the toes and some numbness on the bottom of my feet right behind the ball of my foot. It felt like my sock had wadded itself up, even though I would check and it was just fine. Sometimes, I felt like my feet were freezing cold but if I took my shoe off and rubbed it down, it was warm to the touch of my hand.
Another symptom was that I was tired all the time. You know that tired feeling you get after a big meal like Thanksgiving? I was getting that feeling after eating minimal amounts and the sleepiness would come on completely uncontrollably and I’d go out like a light. Behind my desk at work, on the couch at home, at a friend’s house, etc. Never behind the wheel of the car, though. I just don’t drive that much any more anyway.
Sugar cravings were a big part of it. I would find myself just simply lusting after anything sweet, anything bread related, cereal, pasta, corn, that kind of thing. French Fries were a constant craving, it seemed. Something about diabetes just makes you want that easy sugar rush all the time.
Weight gain is now thought to be a symptom of diabetes and it is thought that people with diabetes who are overweight probably became overweight because of diabetes rather than the other way around. It could be a symptom, or so the studies are starting to show. Yet, some people who are not remotely overweight will develop diabetes. Grandma was an example of this.
When I was in the hospital after the motorcycle spill, they tested my blood sugar at 147. I asked the doctor at the time if that wasn’t a bit high and he said that it is but they felt that it was because of the blood pooling up in my abdominal cavity. I think this was the catalyst for going to the family doctor for the 43 year old tune up!
Even though diabetes is genetic, prevailing thought is that it may lie dormant in many cases until it is triggered by an event or a long cycle of habits. Even though you can’t eat yourself or laze yourself into diabetes, you may not have the best of eating habits and that could cause it to trigger. You may be sedentary and cause it to trigger. There is the possibility that an exposure to a fertilizer or a bug spray or some other chemical catalyst could trigger it.
It could just as easily, however, simply land on you with both feet regardless of how you treat your body, good or bad.
The bottom line here is that about the only thing the medical profession is sure of is that it is genetic in most cases. We joke about eating ourselves into diabetes and yeah, it’s funny. The fact is, however, it’s just not the way it works.
The conclusion for our families.
So. What next? It’s kind of a mixed bag. On the one hand, I didn’t ask for this, of course. On the other hand, I’m sitting at the card table of life with this crappy hand and asking for four more cards. I can’t, however, give this one back. It has to be played. Fortunately, technology and learning have made it possible to control diabetes and live a normal life for the most part.
People will say, “Well, now you can’t eat this or that and you have to exercise all the time and and and. . .THAT’s not a ‘normal’ life!”
Um, actually, it is. What’s not normal is sitting around all the time getting no exercise, eating crap food and putting on excess weight without regard to one’s health. That’s the life I used to live. Pretty sad that in our society today, “normal,” has come to be defined as, “Doing whatever we wish without regard to the consequences.”
After the diagnosis, I’ve started to realize that the diabetic lifestyle is probably more “normal” than the way most people live. We should be getting exercise once or even twice a day. We should be limiting the amount of carbohydrates we eat. We should be making sure we get enough rest every night. The reality is, most people in this country don’t live a normal life at all with regard to their health.
I say this as an offshoot of a comment my doctor made. He said, “The diabetic diet is actually the diet everyone should live on. It’s about the healthiest diet out there!” I think he may be right, though I think the diet that is generally proposed by diabetic nurses and doctors is still not quite right. Each person is different, however, so no one diet can actually be applied to everyone.
Some thoughts.
I’m only telling you all of the above because as a genetic disorder, all y’all have the potential, through your genes, to have this problem yourselves. Also, it’s possible that you’ve been privileged to pass it on to your kids. The bottom line, of course, is that you will want to keep an eye on yourselves. There is no right age to check. Check it every year with your doctor and make sure your fasting blood glucose is never above 120. If it is, time to do further testing. Realize, too, that many doctors will not give you the proper testing until that number hits 140 or even 160 but studies are showing that peripheral neuropathy (that foot pain I was describing) and retinopathy (blindness) and a host of other disorders and physical damage can occur even at levels just above 100.
As a footnote (pun intended!) the pain in my feet continued long enough to cause permanent damage. It isn’t going to go away. I’m fortunate, however, in that this was caught before it got bad enough to cause loss of limb! Also, I believe whole-heartedly that I’m not going to have any further damage.
A “normal” range for your blood glucose while fasting is 85 and maxes just over 100 for a VERY short period of time after eating. Around 30 to 60 minutes typically. Then the glucose level drops again as the insulin in your body kicks in and clears most of it out of your blood. Everyone is different, of course, so if you get an FBG test over 100 or 120, it would be a good idea to explore it further with your doctors. Better to know than to lose a leg or a kidney!
In conclusion.
I’ve lost 30 pounds since last July. I intend to lose another 15 to 20 and see where I’m at from there. I’ve lost at least two sizes off my waist and look forward to losing more. If you want to know how much 30 pounds is, go to a grocery store and pile up 30 pounds of hamburger in the meat section and see how much volume that takes up. The fat in your body takes up about that much volume. As I said, though, the muscle you develop will weigh more per size so there is the possibility that while I’ve lost 30 pounds on the scale, I’ve lost 35 in fat.
Who knows?! I’m just glad of it regardless.
More importantly, I’ve gained greater control over my body and mind. It’s very true that the diabetic “diet” is healthy. It promotes normal weight and promotes the idea that an individual can actually take control and do what it takes to engage themselves in their own treatment. In fact, it’s practically mandatory!
While I didn’t ask for this or want it, there is a certain irony that now that I have this disorder, I’ve actually become healthier than I was before. Or thought I was. I’ve got a lot to learn, still, but for the most part, I think I know the basics and can confront this without further major issues.
Of course, I’m more than happy to go into more detail if anyone feels they need it.
Hoping you have the healthy lives you desire and
Much love,
--Wag--
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Coping with a loss
A man on a forum I frequently post on asked, how to cope with the loss of a loved one. It reminds me that I never wrote about any of the people in my life who have passed away. Here are some thoughts:
=============
Coping with the loss of a loved one can be tough.
Some stories from my life. I think I've managed to cope very well and bring closure but I also think I've been very fortunate in this regard as you may see when reading this.
I should start by saying, as an atheist I don't believe in an afterlife. As a result, I don't believe people have gone to a better place but I do believe suffering can come to an end which is a good thing, of course. Also, all of the people in my life who have passed away have been older and have lived full, exciting and wonderful lives. I look at those people's passing as a transition and seeing them die, while very very sad, was not a tragedy. I don't honestly know how I would deal with the death of a small child.
Years ago, I was talking to my grandmother on the phone while she was in the hospital. She had been in for a few weeks and it was too far for me to drive just to visit so I called. Also, she was in the hospital for something non-terminal so we had no reason to expect her to die and yet, a week later, she had passed away from complications. I remember quite fondly that conversation we had on the 'phone 'cause we talked about everything for a couple of hours.
When I went to her funeral, I refused to view her body in the casket. That wasn't the memory I wanted of my beloved grandmother. The only blemish was all my family members who kept trying to get me to go in there and view the body rather than let me grieve in my own fashion and hold to the memories I preferred over seeing her in death. I didn't let it happen.
To this day, I don't have a memory of her in death, only in life. I can still picture her sitting in the living room on quiet evenings reading as she sat in her recliner, just a frail woman but with so much life in her eyes. Or working in the kitchen or chatting with her about politics and the crap hole this country has fallen into or any other of dozens and dozens of memories.
-------------
A year later, her husband, my grandfather was in the hospital and while it wasn't deemed terminal, it was rather serious. We went to visit him in person, not because we were afraid he was going to die right off but because we needed to see him.
When we got there and began chatting with him, it was readily apparent that he was not himself. Not sick, just not his usual garrulous, engaging, charming self. What I mean is, his mind was preoccupied. Somehow, the conversation turned to Grandma. It was like turning on a light switch. He opened up and for about an hour, we talked about nothing but her. When the conversation reached the time of her passing the previous year the conversation sputtered out again.
I said, "You miss Grandma, don't you?"
He replied, "Yeah, I really do."
I told him, "You have nothing holding you here. Go be with her."
He just nodded. I continued for another moment, "We'll miss you but we want you to be happy." Mind you, as I said earlier, I don't believe in an afterlife, but I knew he did and it was obviously comforting to him to have permission from SOMEbody to go ahead and move on from life.
We hugged him and told him goodbye and drove home.
A week later, he gathered his four adult children around him, said goodbye to them and passed away. He died with a smile on his face in their company. I contemplated my relationship with him with a smile on my face. I didn't go to his funeral. Why would I? I have spectacular memories of him.
--------------
2007 was a shitty year for us.
A very close friend of ours was diagnosed with breast cancer and after battling it for a little over a year, in May of '07, she passed away. She died at home in the arms of her loving husband. She was too young to die but she went with grace and dignity and beauty. If there was ever a classy way to die, she did it.
Once again, though, we had visited her a month prior and had the privilege of being able to say goodbye. By that time, she knew. We all knew she was going to die soon. We went and said the most heartfelt goodbye ever. There were a lot of tears because we knew we weren't going to see each other again. We left heartbroken but knowing that she had lived a life to be envied.
When she died the following month, we went to the funeral but since she had been cremated, there was no need to avoid a casket. We went to be supportive to her husband, also our very good friend (and in the throes of a battle with cancer himself) and to her children.
--------------------------
Thanksgiving of 2007 rolled around and my wife's grandmother was visiting for the holiday. She just didn't travel well and spent most of the week not feeling well. She was 94 years old and had had a great life too. A hard life, but she felt that she had lived it to the fullest. She spent most of the time sleeping while she was here. She had some medical issues which we were able to help her with but she was just dang tired.
We didn't necessarily anticipate that she was going to pass away any time soon but we felt it was probably going to be a moderate surprise in the next year or so. We told her not necessarily goodbye but we did let her know that we loved her dearly and it had always been a pleasure to know her. She made it clear that she wanted to pass away and we told her that if she did, we would miss her but that it was okay for her to go.
I think that was comforting to her. She seemed to relax a lot more then.
She went home and about a week later, we made sure we got my wife's brother up there to visit her. He came away having said goodbye and thanking us for letting him know so he could fly out and talk to her one last time. He told us that he felt she was going to pass soon. A couple of days later, she did pass away. Again, her life was a life we all celebrated.
----------------
Christmas of 2007, a few days before the actual holiday, our friend battling cancer and whose wife had passed in May was admitted to the hospital. We didn't know it right off but it would be his last time and while we had hopes of him doing okay, the doctors kept saying that his systems were shutting down. As the days progressed, his prognosis was worse and worse. We went to visit him. He was nearly a carbon-copy of my grandfather: very much missing his late wife.
As we visited with him over a three-day period of time, the doctors kept saying that his systems were continuing to shut down and that there was nothing that could be done. He was weak and could barely move from the bed to the bathroom. More than once, I had to assist my friend with his movements and that was the easy part.
Saying goodbye and leaving him there with his family was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But we were able to chat over those few days about all of our memories, memories of his late wife and of all the things we had done together over the past few years. To this day, I feel that I have closure.
He passed away the day after Christmas with his loved ones surrounding him.
----------------
I don't know why I tell those stories. I don't feel that I need the therapy of writing it out but I do feel that it has the potential to be comforting to others.
I have complete closure for the few deaths I've encountered in my life. My perspective is that death is merely a final step. If life has been lived to its fullest, there is no great tragedy. Life is beautiful and while saying goodbye in person has been my greatest good fortune with regard to death, I think that it's appropriate to say goodbye. If one doesn't have the opportunity to do so in person, then after the fact is also very good.
Reflecting and talking about the beauties of the person is good too. When people avoided the subject with me, it was painful. When I was able to have a friend listen to me speak my thoughts, that was the best thing for me. Again, I was fortunate to have people in my life who were willing to listen to my thoughts and it brought closure quite easily.
------------------------------
I rambled a lot up there. I hope it was worthwhile. If you can, please take the time to say goodbye to your loved one even if it's been a while. It has meaning and it can help in ways you'll only understand afterward.
My best,
--Wag--
=============
Coping with the loss of a loved one can be tough.
Some stories from my life. I think I've managed to cope very well and bring closure but I also think I've been very fortunate in this regard as you may see when reading this.
I should start by saying, as an atheist I don't believe in an afterlife. As a result, I don't believe people have gone to a better place but I do believe suffering can come to an end which is a good thing, of course. Also, all of the people in my life who have passed away have been older and have lived full, exciting and wonderful lives. I look at those people's passing as a transition and seeing them die, while very very sad, was not a tragedy. I don't honestly know how I would deal with the death of a small child.
Years ago, I was talking to my grandmother on the phone while she was in the hospital. She had been in for a few weeks and it was too far for me to drive just to visit so I called. Also, she was in the hospital for something non-terminal so we had no reason to expect her to die and yet, a week later, she had passed away from complications. I remember quite fondly that conversation we had on the 'phone 'cause we talked about everything for a couple of hours.
When I went to her funeral, I refused to view her body in the casket. That wasn't the memory I wanted of my beloved grandmother. The only blemish was all my family members who kept trying to get me to go in there and view the body rather than let me grieve in my own fashion and hold to the memories I preferred over seeing her in death. I didn't let it happen.
To this day, I don't have a memory of her in death, only in life. I can still picture her sitting in the living room on quiet evenings reading as she sat in her recliner, just a frail woman but with so much life in her eyes. Or working in the kitchen or chatting with her about politics and the crap hole this country has fallen into or any other of dozens and dozens of memories.
-------------
A year later, her husband, my grandfather was in the hospital and while it wasn't deemed terminal, it was rather serious. We went to visit him in person, not because we were afraid he was going to die right off but because we needed to see him.
When we got there and began chatting with him, it was readily apparent that he was not himself. Not sick, just not his usual garrulous, engaging, charming self. What I mean is, his mind was preoccupied. Somehow, the conversation turned to Grandma. It was like turning on a light switch. He opened up and for about an hour, we talked about nothing but her. When the conversation reached the time of her passing the previous year the conversation sputtered out again.
I said, "You miss Grandma, don't you?"
He replied, "Yeah, I really do."
I told him, "You have nothing holding you here. Go be with her."
He just nodded. I continued for another moment, "We'll miss you but we want you to be happy." Mind you, as I said earlier, I don't believe in an afterlife, but I knew he did and it was obviously comforting to him to have permission from SOMEbody to go ahead and move on from life.
We hugged him and told him goodbye and drove home.
A week later, he gathered his four adult children around him, said goodbye to them and passed away. He died with a smile on his face in their company. I contemplated my relationship with him with a smile on my face. I didn't go to his funeral. Why would I? I have spectacular memories of him.
--------------
2007 was a shitty year for us.
A very close friend of ours was diagnosed with breast cancer and after battling it for a little over a year, in May of '07, she passed away. She died at home in the arms of her loving husband. She was too young to die but she went with grace and dignity and beauty. If there was ever a classy way to die, she did it.
Once again, though, we had visited her a month prior and had the privilege of being able to say goodbye. By that time, she knew. We all knew she was going to die soon. We went and said the most heartfelt goodbye ever. There were a lot of tears because we knew we weren't going to see each other again. We left heartbroken but knowing that she had lived a life to be envied.
When she died the following month, we went to the funeral but since she had been cremated, there was no need to avoid a casket. We went to be supportive to her husband, also our very good friend (and in the throes of a battle with cancer himself) and to her children.
--------------------------
Thanksgiving of 2007 rolled around and my wife's grandmother was visiting for the holiday. She just didn't travel well and spent most of the week not feeling well. She was 94 years old and had had a great life too. A hard life, but she felt that she had lived it to the fullest. She spent most of the time sleeping while she was here. She had some medical issues which we were able to help her with but she was just dang tired.
We didn't necessarily anticipate that she was going to pass away any time soon but we felt it was probably going to be a moderate surprise in the next year or so. We told her not necessarily goodbye but we did let her know that we loved her dearly and it had always been a pleasure to know her. She made it clear that she wanted to pass away and we told her that if she did, we would miss her but that it was okay for her to go.
I think that was comforting to her. She seemed to relax a lot more then.
She went home and about a week later, we made sure we got my wife's brother up there to visit her. He came away having said goodbye and thanking us for letting him know so he could fly out and talk to her one last time. He told us that he felt she was going to pass soon. A couple of days later, she did pass away. Again, her life was a life we all celebrated.
----------------
Christmas of 2007, a few days before the actual holiday, our friend battling cancer and whose wife had passed in May was admitted to the hospital. We didn't know it right off but it would be his last time and while we had hopes of him doing okay, the doctors kept saying that his systems were shutting down. As the days progressed, his prognosis was worse and worse. We went to visit him. He was nearly a carbon-copy of my grandfather: very much missing his late wife.
As we visited with him over a three-day period of time, the doctors kept saying that his systems were continuing to shut down and that there was nothing that could be done. He was weak and could barely move from the bed to the bathroom. More than once, I had to assist my friend with his movements and that was the easy part.
Saying goodbye and leaving him there with his family was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But we were able to chat over those few days about all of our memories, memories of his late wife and of all the things we had done together over the past few years. To this day, I feel that I have closure.
He passed away the day after Christmas with his loved ones surrounding him.
----------------
I don't know why I tell those stories. I don't feel that I need the therapy of writing it out but I do feel that it has the potential to be comforting to others.
I have complete closure for the few deaths I've encountered in my life. My perspective is that death is merely a final step. If life has been lived to its fullest, there is no great tragedy. Life is beautiful and while saying goodbye in person has been my greatest good fortune with regard to death, I think that it's appropriate to say goodbye. If one doesn't have the opportunity to do so in person, then after the fact is also very good.
Reflecting and talking about the beauties of the person is good too. When people avoided the subject with me, it was painful. When I was able to have a friend listen to me speak my thoughts, that was the best thing for me. Again, I was fortunate to have people in my life who were willing to listen to my thoughts and it brought closure quite easily.
------------------------------
I rambled a lot up there. I hope it was worthwhile. If you can, please take the time to say goodbye to your loved one even if it's been a while. It has meaning and it can help in ways you'll only understand afterward.
My best,
--Wag--
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Why did you choose THAT belief?
It occurred to me a few days ago that most people don't even understand why they believe the way they do. Of course, it doesn't cause me any personal concern and yet, I wonder just what it is that makes people believe what they do. I'm not just talking about religion, though that is a huge part of it. Politics, historical information, biographical information about famous people, the kinds of cars people think are the best. . . . You name it. Nearly every belief to which people cling is pretty much just there.
Of course, many of us have very clear reasons why we believe a certain thing and yet, for many of our other beliefs, we may have no clue why we believe as we do.
I just read a comment recently which said that most people adhere to the same religion of their geography for their entire life. That means, of course, that your religion, first of all, is determined by the surroundings in which you were raised and that you are more likely than not, never going to change your religion throughout your life. That doesn't mean you won't change sects within a religion. Baptists become Methodists on occasion but they're still essentially Christian.
Or how many people do you know still buy Chevy's because that's what Daddy always bought? Funny how people are. Or they're Democrats because Mom and Dad and Uncle Bob are all Democrats. It's why bad politicians get re-elected year after year after year after year and it's why term limits don't pass. Ever. People don't really want change, that's for sure.
Einstein once said, "Insanity is when you keep doing the same ol' thing but you expect different results." Or something like that. Yup. If you keep having car trouble, maybe it's time to switch to a Ford.
Or if you're unhappy, switch to Buddhism. Or vote Republican. I don't know. But don't keep doing the same ol' thing.
At the very least, challenge your beliefs in an honest way (difficult to do) and see what happens. You might be surprised.
--Wag--
Of course, many of us have very clear reasons why we believe a certain thing and yet, for many of our other beliefs, we may have no clue why we believe as we do.
I just read a comment recently which said that most people adhere to the same religion of their geography for their entire life. That means, of course, that your religion, first of all, is determined by the surroundings in which you were raised and that you are more likely than not, never going to change your religion throughout your life. That doesn't mean you won't change sects within a religion. Baptists become Methodists on occasion but they're still essentially Christian.
Or how many people do you know still buy Chevy's because that's what Daddy always bought? Funny how people are. Or they're Democrats because Mom and Dad and Uncle Bob are all Democrats. It's why bad politicians get re-elected year after year after year after year and it's why term limits don't pass. Ever. People don't really want change, that's for sure.
Einstein once said, "Insanity is when you keep doing the same ol' thing but you expect different results." Or something like that. Yup. If you keep having car trouble, maybe it's time to switch to a Ford.
Or if you're unhappy, switch to Buddhism. Or vote Republican. I don't know. But don't keep doing the same ol' thing.
At the very least, challenge your beliefs in an honest way (difficult to do) and see what happens. You might be surprised.
--Wag--
Thursday, January 01, 2009
The Problems of Philosophy
Just finished reading this book. My comments:
The Problems of Philosophy by Bertrand Russell
rating: 5 of 5 stars
Outstanding book. I admit, I don't understand it all but it's becoming more clear and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. The dialogue on thought processes, formation of belief and the determination of truth is highly enlightening. Thinking in abstract is such a critical part of understanding this particular book. I don't have a lot of experience with philosophy but I suspect that such is true of most such tomes.
Will post further updates!
--Wag--
Update: Finished reading this book yesterday. It leaves me feeling like I've been further enlightened and of having had my mind expanded. It was an effort for me to read this because, as I mentioned above, I don't have much experience with philosophy. Yet, it has expanded my horizons.
Don't get me wrong. It did not give me a list of answers to the tough questions of life, the universe and myself, but it has greatly expanded my perception of all of these things. I don't feel, necessarily, that I'm suddenly a better person because of it, either, but I do feel that I've been given ideas and thoughts on how to become that better person.
--Wag--
View all my reviews.
The Problems of Philosophy by Bertrand RussellMy review
rating: 5 of 5 stars
Outstanding book. I admit, I don't understand it all but it's becoming more clear and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. The dialogue on thought processes, formation of belief and the determination of truth is highly enlightening. Thinking in abstract is such a critical part of understanding this particular book. I don't have a lot of experience with philosophy but I suspect that such is true of most such tomes.
Will post further updates!
--Wag--
Update: Finished reading this book yesterday. It leaves me feeling like I've been further enlightened and of having had my mind expanded. It was an effort for me to read this because, as I mentioned above, I don't have much experience with philosophy. Yet, it has expanded my horizons.
Don't get me wrong. It did not give me a list of answers to the tough questions of life, the universe and myself, but it has greatly expanded my perception of all of these things. I don't feel, necessarily, that I'm suddenly a better person because of it, either, but I do feel that I've been given ideas and thoughts on how to become that better person.
--Wag--
View all my reviews.
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