Spent the afternoon and evening at D. and J.'s home this evening. Very enjoyable. "Our" little miracle is doing well. Growing, even. Oh, yeah, right. Big surprise. Well, the truth is, he's impressive in a lot of ways. Granted, as I've said before, I don't have kids so I'm no genius about children but from what I keep seeing, I'm impressed.
Okay, I've seen the videos before. It always seems like the usual baby is born pretty much purple and slimy. I was a little surprised to see that R. was born more "normal" looking. Not looking like a science experiment. Or a space alien. Looked rather like a kid three weeks old.
Now, I'm the oldest of 10 kids. Strange or not, I helped raise the last 6 of them. No kidding. Changed diapers, fed, bathed. The works. No it was NOT cool but I did it.
So, fast forward to today. Little R. is notably ahead of his class. Start with the fact that he was born looking pretty much 3 weeks or so ahead of his time. Way cool. He is exceptionally strong. Indeed, his legs actually have definition already. Very impressive, to say the very least. I'm actually blown away. He seems to be coordinated. That's to say that when he moves his arms, he appears to move them deliberately and with control rather than just thrashing around.
He follows things with his eyes, even from a distance. He's feeding really well. His eyes have taken on a beautiful hazel color. His face is exceptionally expressive and he passes his face through a lot of motions. Sometimes he appears to smile but we all know he's too young to smile at us. Isn't he? Hmmmmmmmmm.........
I'm utterly captivated by him. I spent the week at work trying to figure out ways to get to come over and visit him and hold him. Hell, I'm a macho man (I think) and I want to be with this little guy. Funny thing is, Thursday I was thinking, "Hey! Tomorrow's Friday and we can go over there after work! Cool!" No sooner had I thought that than one of my buddies called to remind me that I had a prior engagement for Friday evening.
Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn.
We were at our event last night and it was VERY enjoyable. But the whole time I was there, I kept thinking, "This is VERY enjoyable! I wish we could go and visit R." So, this morning, I reshuffled some things and we struggled all day, holding off the urge to come and visit him before D. and J. were ready to have us over. That was tough. I spent the morning at the local computer super store wasting time, just to divert my thoughts. Self-defense.
I'm still feeling somewhat changed by all this. D. and J. were more than generous to us, inviting us to be a part of this perfect event. R. is now a part of our life. We're not his parents, to be sure, but still, my mind dwells on him constantly. I love holding the little guy and watching him. I love seeing him interact with his mother and his father.
Thanks to digital cameras, there are more pictures of him from the past week than there were of me my entire life! But for every moment we capture in a photo, there are 10,000 more we wish we could grab. And for every word I write here about my feelings on this most miraculous of things, there are 100,000 which could be written and still only describe the thousandth part of what I'm feeling.
The words aren't there for me yet.
Hopefully, they will come.
--Wag--
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Thursday, February 17, 2005
An atheist believes in miracles!
Not what you may think, however. Let me explain. Of course, I'm the atheist in this story. I believe all the rest of the people in this story actually believe in god at some level but I, myself, do not. But we all still love each other; more power to us!
My wonderful cousin, J. and her equally wonderful husband, D. just had a baby on Monday. Yup. Valentine's Day. "So what?" you may ask. "People have babies all the time." Well this baby and the baby's parents have a story that is rather unique. No, the birth/labor/pregnancy, etc. were all normal and uneventful. No problems during any of it. The baby is perfectly healthy and J. has come through with her health and in flying colors. No, what made this story unique is that D. and J. invited us to attend them at the birth. Yup. That's right. We were there for the whole thing.
Now, from the very beginning, which is to say, several months ago, we have been excited about the prospects of being able to attend. We were honored beyond compare by the mere invitation. My wife and I were given the great privilege of being asked to video tape the delivery and participate and assist in any way possible. The excitement built up to Monday when we finally got the call, 9:30 a.m. My wife and I went running. Cops could have written us a dozen tickets and we arrived at their house a short time later.
Oh! I didn't mention that yet! Yeah, they did the labor and delivery in their home. Two professional midwives were in attendance and took care of all the "important" things J. wasn't doing herself. J. decided at the last minute that she didn't want ANY video so that didn't happen. When I was first told that there would be no video I got the idea in my head that I'd be able to park my ass in a chair with a bag of popcorn and a beer and watch the show!
Naive, I know.
There was a ton of stuff to be done. We just did it. All five of us, attending to J. as she went through the labor. Completely successfully, too. She was a champ beyond compare and she became a hero to me that day. So did those two midwives. So did D. So did my wife. My estimation of the quality of the character of all involved, including myself, I must add, has risen dramatically. Yeah, I threw in with the rest of 'em. There was no chair or popcorn or beer for me. Just a labor of love on my part to help in any way I could. To say I "enjoyed" it would be an understatement more severe than any other in history, I assure you. It was an experience beyond any other.
And it has changed me. I don't entirely understand how, yet. I'm still trying to understand all of it. I'm trying to sift through my feelings on the matter. I'm still in the throes of more intense emotion than I've ever felt before in my life. Indeed, the birth of their child and our role in participating in it has become the focal point of a great deal of my life's thoughts, my philosophies, my outlook on life and my inner self.
But all in all, the result of whatever changes have occurred are a greater peace within me.
Oh, and the miracle of it all? Most assuredly it is a miracle. I'm still an atheist and I don't believe miracles come from a deity, but indeed, the birth of their child is a miracle beyond compare. I'm completely awed by it.
--Wag--
My wonderful cousin, J. and her equally wonderful husband, D. just had a baby on Monday. Yup. Valentine's Day. "So what?" you may ask. "People have babies all the time." Well this baby and the baby's parents have a story that is rather unique. No, the birth/labor/pregnancy, etc. were all normal and uneventful. No problems during any of it. The baby is perfectly healthy and J. has come through with her health and in flying colors. No, what made this story unique is that D. and J. invited us to attend them at the birth. Yup. That's right. We were there for the whole thing.
Now, from the very beginning, which is to say, several months ago, we have been excited about the prospects of being able to attend. We were honored beyond compare by the mere invitation. My wife and I were given the great privilege of being asked to video tape the delivery and participate and assist in any way possible. The excitement built up to Monday when we finally got the call, 9:30 a.m. My wife and I went running. Cops could have written us a dozen tickets and we arrived at their house a short time later.
Oh! I didn't mention that yet! Yeah, they did the labor and delivery in their home. Two professional midwives were in attendance and took care of all the "important" things J. wasn't doing herself. J. decided at the last minute that she didn't want ANY video so that didn't happen. When I was first told that there would be no video I got the idea in my head that I'd be able to park my ass in a chair with a bag of popcorn and a beer and watch the show!
Naive, I know.
There was a ton of stuff to be done. We just did it. All five of us, attending to J. as she went through the labor. Completely successfully, too. She was a champ beyond compare and she became a hero to me that day. So did those two midwives. So did D. So did my wife. My estimation of the quality of the character of all involved, including myself, I must add, has risen dramatically. Yeah, I threw in with the rest of 'em. There was no chair or popcorn or beer for me. Just a labor of love on my part to help in any way I could. To say I "enjoyed" it would be an understatement more severe than any other in history, I assure you. It was an experience beyond any other.
And it has changed me. I don't entirely understand how, yet. I'm still trying to understand all of it. I'm trying to sift through my feelings on the matter. I'm still in the throes of more intense emotion than I've ever felt before in my life. Indeed, the birth of their child and our role in participating in it has become the focal point of a great deal of my life's thoughts, my philosophies, my outlook on life and my inner self.
But all in all, the result of whatever changes have occurred are a greater peace within me.
Oh, and the miracle of it all? Most assuredly it is a miracle. I'm still an atheist and I don't believe miracles come from a deity, but indeed, the birth of their child is a miracle beyond compare. I'm completely awed by it.
--Wag--
Friday, February 11, 2005
Philip Wylie Strikes Again.
In another forum in which I participate, a particular thread meandered around the subject of intent preceding action, hovered over the idea of whether or not people should want to allow mind reading (if it were possible) to prevent crime before it occurs, and gave birth to this mini-essay below. I've modified it slightly for readability and clarified some points which are out of context.
Enjoy!
--Wag--
One of the best philosophical essays I've ever read on this subject, albeit tangentially, is Philip Wylie's, "An Essay on Morals." I think one of the horrors feared most by the human being is the revelation of their own inner thoughts, thoughts which they guard with fierce determination. Throughout much of human history, we struggled to create of humans, an ethereal, mystical, mighty and powerful self, culminating in a creature superior in all ways to all other creatures on the planet. We made gods of ourselves and then, in ever-increasing arrogance, began to use our newfound reason to castigate ourselves and brought fear and guilt into the picture. In order to assuage that fear and guilt, we created gods above us for ourselves and then, in the ultimate arrogance of all time, we began to adhere to the belief that, via our own sacrifices and obeisances, we could influence and guide the decisions of these almighty gods, especially in their whimsical punishments of newly self-deprecated humans.
Certain individuals, more arrogant than the rest, claimed to even speak to these gods, as if the gods had nothing more important to do than pay attention to us pathetic animals. 'Cause that's exactly what humans are. Simply animals with the powers of reason, creativity and long-term memory. We had ideas, fer Krissakes! Yeah, we had greater ability than the common animals of the world but were we better than they? Of course! We had gods and they did not!
Fast forward through the millenia and we find that these delusional and arrogant assumptions about ourselves and our relationships to these selfsame gods, albeit with different names here and there, these gods have such a hold over man that we have learned to completely fear to acknowledge our animal sides, our basic instincts which drive us. The same instincts which we have attempted to whitewash and to call "evil" and which still rest quietly at our core, influencing our every thought. But remember: We proved to ourselves that we are better than animals and we created morals to demonstrate to ourselves that our instincts were now subject to our powerful will.
Our list of commandments grew (Seven? Fourteen?) to the point where we believed that to even think of any basic instinctual urge contrary to our new moral code was in itself a grossly negligent abandonment of our self-created greatness. We began to fear to expose our thoughts and hence, we carefully hid them behind heavy masks. Our thoughts became subject to personal judgement and close inner scrutiny for fear that if others of our compatriots knew of them, they would cease to love us, cease to respect us and if motivated well enough, to even hate us in a hypocrisy of indulgence in the animal side of our instinctive natures.
We carefully guard our thoughts now. If a man considers in his mind the joys of sex with a woman who is married to another, he must keep it to himself and never express that desire to anyone, otherwise, he suffers dire consequences. If he wishes to have his neighbor's car or lawnmower for himself, he's convicted in his own conscience with sufficient severity to prevent him from letting anyone know lest he then be railed upon by his fellows.
We fear to reveal our thoughts indiscretionately. It has become necessary to become something other than what we are in order to survive in a society with rules. Perhaps that survival instinct is still there, hidden somewhere inside us and keeping us from gross errors which would jeopardize our very existence.
I think, therefore, that such are the reasons we fear to reveal our thoughts. We do not wish to be proven to be the animals which we deny of ourselves, particularly among others of our fellow human animals who think in their inherited arrogance, that they are better than we and will use any device necessary to prove it.
If they could get ahold of our thoughts, we would all definitively be shown to be even as the animals.
--Wag--
Enjoy!
--Wag--
One of the best philosophical essays I've ever read on this subject, albeit tangentially, is Philip Wylie's, "An Essay on Morals." I think one of the horrors feared most by the human being is the revelation of their own inner thoughts, thoughts which they guard with fierce determination. Throughout much of human history, we struggled to create of humans, an ethereal, mystical, mighty and powerful self, culminating in a creature superior in all ways to all other creatures on the planet. We made gods of ourselves and then, in ever-increasing arrogance, began to use our newfound reason to castigate ourselves and brought fear and guilt into the picture. In order to assuage that fear and guilt, we created gods above us for ourselves and then, in the ultimate arrogance of all time, we began to adhere to the belief that, via our own sacrifices and obeisances, we could influence and guide the decisions of these almighty gods, especially in their whimsical punishments of newly self-deprecated humans.
Certain individuals, more arrogant than the rest, claimed to even speak to these gods, as if the gods had nothing more important to do than pay attention to us pathetic animals. 'Cause that's exactly what humans are. Simply animals with the powers of reason, creativity and long-term memory. We had ideas, fer Krissakes! Yeah, we had greater ability than the common animals of the world but were we better than they? Of course! We had gods and they did not!
Fast forward through the millenia and we find that these delusional and arrogant assumptions about ourselves and our relationships to these selfsame gods, albeit with different names here and there, these gods have such a hold over man that we have learned to completely fear to acknowledge our animal sides, our basic instincts which drive us. The same instincts which we have attempted to whitewash and to call "evil" and which still rest quietly at our core, influencing our every thought. But remember: We proved to ourselves that we are better than animals and we created morals to demonstrate to ourselves that our instincts were now subject to our powerful will.
Our list of commandments grew (Seven? Fourteen?) to the point where we believed that to even think of any basic instinctual urge contrary to our new moral code was in itself a grossly negligent abandonment of our self-created greatness. We began to fear to expose our thoughts and hence, we carefully hid them behind heavy masks. Our thoughts became subject to personal judgement and close inner scrutiny for fear that if others of our compatriots knew of them, they would cease to love us, cease to respect us and if motivated well enough, to even hate us in a hypocrisy of indulgence in the animal side of our instinctive natures.
We carefully guard our thoughts now. If a man considers in his mind the joys of sex with a woman who is married to another, he must keep it to himself and never express that desire to anyone, otherwise, he suffers dire consequences. If he wishes to have his neighbor's car or lawnmower for himself, he's convicted in his own conscience with sufficient severity to prevent him from letting anyone know lest he then be railed upon by his fellows.
We fear to reveal our thoughts indiscretionately. It has become necessary to become something other than what we are in order to survive in a society with rules. Perhaps that survival instinct is still there, hidden somewhere inside us and keeping us from gross errors which would jeopardize our very existence.
I think, therefore, that such are the reasons we fear to reveal our thoughts. We do not wish to be proven to be the animals which we deny of ourselves, particularly among others of our fellow human animals who think in their inherited arrogance, that they are better than we and will use any device necessary to prove it.
If they could get ahold of our thoughts, we would all definitively be shown to be even as the animals.
--Wag--
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