Marriage revisited

I suppose I write a lot about marriage and relationships here. Don't get me wrong; I'm no expert at it, even though I've been doing it a long time. Two months ago, it was 16 years. But I look around at many of my friends and my family and I see that my wife and I are a strange phenomenon.

The marriages and relationships af a great many of my friends pretty much fall apart about 3 to 5 years into it. Almost like clockwork. They don't always divorce or abandon the diseased relationship right then but they frequently do. Sadly, even though they sometimes stay together, their relationships are poisoned and they fail to get them fixed.

Why is that? Why does it seem to be so problematic and difficult for people to keep their relationships together and keep them healthy? These are good people, despite anything they may say about each other in divorce court. It's tragic when a relationship or marriage falls apart but it's happening to people who deserve better. Where did they go wrong?

The answer may be training. Skills. Relationship skills and training, to be precise. It isn't about whether or not you or your partner or spouse is the right type of person. It has a lot more to do with HOW the two interact with each other.

Granted, there are plenty of individuals out there who are assholes, bitches, selfish pricks, heartless wenches and other sorts of worms and dirtbags. These are people who will probably never be able to have a meaningful, rewarding relationship with another human being. These are the frat boys and the cheerleader types who are thinking about only one thing, 100% of the time: Themselves. While I do believe everyone on the planet has the potential to change that attitude if they have it, I also believe only a very small number of them will ever actually do so.

No, I'm writing this article to those whose relationships are in trouble. You're probably 3 to 5 years into your relationship or your troubles started about then. Frequently, you probably think to yourself, "If only my spouse would . . . ." Sound familiar? Good. You're likely just missing one thing in your life: Relationship training.

There's a lot more you need than what you'll ever get here or anywhere on the internet. There's great stuff out there, don't get me wrong and they may get you started but where you really get the help and training you need is when you go to a trained, qualified marriage and relationship counsellor who can talk to both of you in the same room together and observe the interaction you're having. And then train you on the things you're doing wrong. It's worth whatever it costs. (And do your homework. There are plenty of crappy wanna-be counsellors out there who don't know their relationships from their asses.)

I think a major key here is in HOW the two of you communicate with each other. And that's what you need to learn.

Give it a shot. Find the right counsellor. And even if you're NOT on the brink of divorce, make your marriage a happier one with some counselling.

--Wag--