Affairs

Affairs are (almost) never about sex. There is (nearly) always something else troubling the relationship which leads to the affair. Many times, it's an emotional issue between the two people. Other times, one or the other of the two has baggage which has never been confronted and which poisons the relationship. Most often, people get married too quickly and start popping out kids too fast before they understand all of the dynamics of their "new" relationship.

It's too late for many people but I'm a real proponent of the following relationship steps:

1. Have all the sex you can with as many partners as you can before you get into a serious relationship of any kind. Do this from the age of 14 to the age of 25. Remember not to have sex with minors, always use condoms every damn time, don't knock anyone up or get knocked up and don't spread diseases. Do everything you want to do now and enjoy yourself without doing anything illegal.

2. A couple of years before you think you can handle a relationship, learn how. Take some classes and read some books. Listen to intelligent people who have had successful long-term relationships. It's going to have the potential to save your neck.

3. Practice a few times. Have a couple of "long-term" relationships of about six or twelve months and see how it goes. You need to know how to pick 'em, know how to work with them on the relationship, resolve issues large and small, talk about what you want long-term. Boot the other person to the curb as soon as he or she shows an inability to have a trusting, mutually beneficial relationship with you. Always remember though, you could get lucky on the first try and find your lifemate right away so be open minded to the possibility.

4. About the time you're in your late 20's to early 30's and you find, "the one," live with that person for no less that three years. I recommend at least five years, depending on how the relationship is going. By this time or at some point during, you both should have finished your degrees, gotten yourself well established in a career, decided where you want to live for the next 30 years and bought a house that you can afford in that area. All issues about roles, money, kids, etc. should have been talked through during this live-in period.

5. Get married. AFTER you have some pre-marital counseling.

6. The make-it or break-it issue of most marriages (after money) is kids. If you decide to have kids, now is the time. Remember, they will change your lifestyle quite radically. Be sure you're ready to be tied down, quite literally. Remember, it's okay to not have kids. If you decide not to, again, sack up and get snipped or tied off so that it's never an issue in the future. Don't give me any, "I'm not sure," crap, either. Make a friggin' decision already! You're too old to not know by now. If for some reason you do change your mind after you've cut off all ties to your genetic seed, adopt.

7a. If you had kids, raise them with a sense of responsibility and take care of their needs as a responsible parent. They are people. Treat them as such. They are growing things in need of direction and guidance. Give that to them, even if is isn't always warm and fuzzy or lovey-dovey to do so.

7b. If you don't have kids, enjoy life just as much as everyone else who has kids. Yes, it can be done!

After all of that, if you feel you still have to have sex with some bimbo or stud muffin even though you did #1 above, then you know what? Have enough class to go to your lifemate and end the relationship FIRST. If you don't have the sack to do that, then go ahead. Fuck the shit out of him or her and live the rest of your life as a coward and a fool.

Just some thoughts.

--Wag--